warning: expanded rambling session here. it may be disjointed and brilliant at the same time, or you could just feel dumber after reading.. regardless, you've been warned.
the other week i was listening to daniel wolpert and his views on how the family needs to embrace nurturing spiritual lives of the youth instead of "youth group." at first i was all nods, it sounds great, families do need to take back their place as spiritual formation. however, as i thought about it, do we nurture this as part of youth ministry, or is this the next turn for youth ministry that we have to take.
the way i see it, youth ministry started out with families sending their teens to youth group, umyf, eyc, etc. with the impression that they would get their understanding of God rounded out, or atleast play some crazy games to keep occupied. over the past few years i have heard many a youth leader change the focus of youth group being the only outlet for youth in the church, to church seeing their youth ministry as a mission of the church. this changes the focus of not having the youth tucked into a far off room in the building where they pose least amount of threat to the older members of the congregation. this is where they come to find their way within the embrace of the church. your youth minister is no longer the "pied piper" (as referenced in practicing passion), where the charismatic youth leader toots his/her horn and the youth flock.. and i think the story ends where they go right out of town and out of the church, but i could be wrong. thankfully, many youth ministries and churches are making this shift.
will the next shift move back to the family? having a conversation with one of my volunteers last night we talked frankly about some of the mindset of other parents, where they say "they already get it from school/youth group/choir/sunday school/church." they don't feel a need to become active participants into their own children's spiritual lives. why? perhaps is that they do not feel confident in their own understandings to teach their children, the "i don't know" is hard to come by for some parents, they need to have answers. i can't imagine that if you asked them that they would say it is better to not speak than to be wrong, but i bet it's there. perhaps it is that the parent it too preoccupied with the day to day fires of being in a family to sit down and communicate how they can be a spiritual family. perhaps engaging in a spiritual discussion put the parent in an unusual position of having to relive their childhood experiences, positive & negative. regardless of reasons, we as youth ministers and church leaders do need to embrace (not just giving lip service to) the family as a foundation for spiritual formation in our children, youth, and church family.
i think back to my family life. just talking to my mom she said she was amazed at some of the things i have written in my blog, not because they are silly, she expects that.. but for some of the more "thoughtful" ideas i am sharing. "where did this come from" she asks. i told her, i could look back at how they raised me. my mother is a woman of the world and great courage, she always pushed me and my siblings to embrace the world in order to round out our character. i have what worldly knowledge & sensitivities from her and through our family (which happens to be welsh). she is courageous in that she was born in a farm house off the coast of wales, went to school and traveled across the ocean (which was no small task back in the day) to move to america and join families as a nanny.
when we kids were in the picture it was being integrated into church, music and art, travel across the country staying with friends and family.. these are all important pieces of my life that shape my spiritual life. my father, i remember laying in bed with my dad sitting between my brother and i (shawn and i shared rooms through our whole life) and he would lead us in goodnight prayers.. i wonder if this is why i embrace and take so much comfort from saying compline as part of the daily office. i remember watching my dad read in the basement. funny, he used to cover up one of his eyes and say that he was exercising the other one.. now that's strange and i don't entertain that actually being medically proven, but i have picked up reading which helps to expand my spiritual life. my dad was always willing to talk ministry with me, even more so when i started in youth work some twelve years ago. he was the leader of the methodist men, of which, he would make my brother and i go to the meetings. probably one of the greatest pieces to my foundation of my spiritual life is that my parents never let us feel like we were horrible kids. sure we got the yells and spankings due any kid who did the crap i did, but i never felt that i was inherantly evil. my family always, and still does show me a grace that i am not worthy of.
so i think... how do we as youth ministers not only become youth ministers, but family ministers as well? can we empower, encourage, model, and equip our families to be a foundation of spiritual life for the youth of the church. do our young youth ministers have to get over the pressures they feel from parents, getting past that "me vs them" language (which i might have done in this post). i am sure that people have books out on this subject, and i know mark devries and his family based youth ministry (he's a good friend). i think though, our churches and youth ministers need to keep shifting from the "pied piper" to the family as a foundation for spiritual formation in our youth.
nuts and bolts:
- families need to pray together, at meals, times of needed guidance, and in the evening - call it grace or compline if you kids think it's not cool to say "now i lay me down to rest... "
- bring back family dinner - even if it is just three times a week
- share ideas in the car driving, talk about current events in the same car - this might mean not buying portable dvd players, spend that money on books / art materials / muscial instruments
- create family rituals - around the Christian calendar
- parents need to nurture the spirituality of their marriage, modeling not how put kids and work first but a life with God
- families need to tell stories. as jonathon likes quote hauerwas, the bible is a book of family stories, we need to tell ours and how they intertwine in the workings of God
if you have thoughts, suggestions, more ideas, or a need for clarification, please share &:~D.
