thanks to all for contributing to this continuation of thoughts brought on by listening first & then providing some responses in hopes to find a spiritual reflection in a conversation that seems so often polarizing.
i remember having a conversation with my father somewhere in my 20's (not that my 20's was a long time ago). my dad, someone whom i have the highest respect for, had made some statements that expressed how he had trouble being spiritually nourished by a female pastor. i couldn't really understand that my dad had expressed this, my dad, who in my opinion is a very enlightened thinker. it blew me away. as we continued to talk i sorta figured out that it wasn't so much about female pastor-ship in general, but more of one particular pastor whom he had trouble identifying with.
when i started blogging i had this cool service to my blog, "stats." with my stats i could see the avenues where people found my blog, from other blogs to google searches. i was sorta amazed & amused by the things that people searched to find my blog. one of the searches that caught my attention was "henri nouwen homosexual." huh? was henri gay? my regular readers know of the influence henri nouwen has had in helping to sort my spiritual life. this naturally was something that i had to come to understand, was someone so influential to me gay?
i followed the links & read some articles (i can't remember what actual sites they were). some were slanted, but some seemed honest and credible sources that suggested that nouwen was indeed gay. it was not the issue we find in the church today as he was a catholic minister, thus unable to marry or participate in romantic relationships (thus trumping the 'practicing' homosexual argument). so for the most part, nouwen's sexuality was not something that people had to agree or disagree with, it was more or less a moot point. in this instance, for me, i needed to find some clarity. i found myself contemplating all that i had learned from this man. does what he taught me still stand up?
in silence and prayer i asked, what did henri teach me about prayer? this seems legitimate still, it's not like he's the only one who talked this way, it's more or less his words helped to make it tangible for me. his observations on life & faith, which helped to open my eyes to God's movements around me. does this now have less of God's movements? what would have been my relationship with nouwen if i had known him to be gay all along?
to my questions, i found an answer. the answer i found was that it didn't matter.
the possible homosexuality, real or not, of one of the influential figures of my spiritual life was not going to become a changing factor all of a sudden. the relationship (albeit a 2 dimensional relationship through numerous readings) was still there. the garnered incites were still insightful. the practices of my faith influenced i was still practicing. why should it matter now, all of a sudden, if an influential figure took on a new label?
it does matter though. it did take some internal wrangling with me, whom i happen to consider myself to be highly intelligent and profoundly wise. &:~D so it must be tough for others right? i come back to my dad. note: we have not actually had this conversation, but i use our mentioned conversation to help draw some parallels that are potentially unfair but potentially similar to my dad & others. my dad, who has grown within a context that the spiritual leaders have exuded a masculinity & been male has a struggle with breaking from that context. he's certainly okay with female pastor-ship, but i doubt he'll be spiritually lead as he might from his traditional understanding of male pastor-ship. it's just that he prefers that original context, it's comfortable, familiar, safe.
today's world still struggles with the gender of pastors in areas and with denominations. to now throw in another dynamic of sexuality will only put more people at un-ease. the comfort levels have been pushed, the familiar of what one knew has changed, the unknown puts one into a place of fear where a fight or flight can surface to ensure a psychological safe. is this where we are at?
can a homosexual, practicing or non-practicing, be a spiritual leader? i'm inclined to say "yes" & "no." yes, because someone who is faithful to their calling & connection to God cannot be dismissed because of sexual practice or orientation. they are able to be as inspiring as any other pastor to an individual. no, because as we are still evolving in our understanding of what it means to follow Christ we do have our levels of comfort to help us to understand these meanings. one of those is having a context that we are not in direct or indirect conflict with. a silly analogy: it's like navigating a trail while questioning the trail map, that's just a tough one to get through. this isn't a great answer, actually it's not an answer at all if you determine answers as a final solution, but faithful to this conversation we are naming the aspects that seem important.
