Hit the Back Button to Move Fwd by Gavin Richardson

youth 2007 : day three & four

the third and fourth day of youth2007 was a bit of elation and frustration on the worship feast side. we had a bit more of an expectations from the youth, but again the numbers of participants grew and grew. at one point our art area was filled with youth creating artwork pieces that they started to tear apart our nice painting and drawing books.

it was one of those moments where we had to give away a control and let it be. for me to do this successfully i had to go and get lunch. it is the tough part of a contemplative ministry where you give up control, you have to be willing to allow your ideas and concept of 'how it should be' and allow God to do with the space.

as i would come and go within the space it we started to hear and see results of our efforts in this endeavor of sacred space. our morning prayers and compine prayers were always well attended. some with almost 100 people. for a morning prayers being at 7:30am at a youth event, that is pretty remarkable if you ask me. the taize' worship services we put together were a real highlight for me and i noticed others staying for long periods of time after we could end a service. hundreds of youth and leaders continued to come into the space, we continued to run out of canvas's no matter how many new ones we would purchase we would keep running out. frustrating, but still very cool. youth and adults alike would find those of us tending to the space and would express how much they appreciated the atmosphere, the calm, the opportunity for expression which was very encouraging.

i did three "splatshops" or workshops on spiritual practices over the week. day two we taught and practiced lectio divina, day three we worked through the awareness examen, day four we taught the Jesus prayer. it is an interesting experience to talk to a group that may not be listening at all. good thing i spent all that time as a state of tennessee trainer.

our general sessions were way fun. some high energy and over stimulation for me. i retreated backstage a number of times to take pictures and just hangout with the design team folks there. i took one of our youth backstage to help move some of the artwork we brought for on stage. he really enjoyed being backstage, though i told him this meant he had to be on design team in 2011.

our speakers were wonderful people. i couldn't say enough about them. as with every speaking engagement i take little bits with me. to close my personal journaling for now i will leave with what i gleaned from ray buckley.

"we take the things that god has given us and give them away. this is the dance"

i am thinking that this worship feast dream was part of our dance.

i will continue to keep posting worship feast room pics on my flickr. check out youth 2007 stuff experienced by our group at our hfumcyouth flickr site.

youth 2007 : day two #2

it is actually time to do my day three update, but i still didn't get a day two finished. i will direct you to some of our youth blogs. two of our guys sat down to give a mid event update.

for me yesterday was a bit stressful. i was up late working on some things for prayers and the videos for the next day. went to bed at what could be considered a normal time for an event like this. set my alarm clock on my phone. when i woke up the phone was next to me in the bed.. which was not where i left it. i knew then something not so pleasant was up. picked up the phone & saw that it was 7:46. prayers were to start at 7:30. i dressed quickly and ran downstairs with computers in tow so that i could get the videos going and help direct what part of prayers i needed. luckily jenny and jonathon had prayers covered. we had a great crowd, but i wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the moment. i buzzed around with these videos and let it all just set me wrong.

for the duration of the morning i was off balance in some measure.

this was the first full day of youth2007 so we were intrigued to see how things went over. simply put, it went over amazingly well (even with my agitation). we probably saw over 500 youth and leaders over the course of the day. something we were not expecting. most everything was fine, if you count; running out of canvass, freight train like groups going through the labyrinth, and having difficulties with printers. through it all, we count our blessings, people used the space to the extreme and we couldn't have been happier.

as i mentioned in pre-day two coverage, i was asked to lead a lectio divina reading from the main stage in the evening session. i was certainly nervous about the whole deal. how does one lead a contemplative practice with 7,000?.. let alone, 7,000 teenagers. the cool part of it all was that the prep involved in being on the stage allowed me some personal space. up to that point things were decided on by me. so i had to say bye to everyone early in the afternoon and go for a sound check. afterwords i just hung out with some of the speakers, superchick, the stage crew, and some design team friends. it was a good few hours to focus on what i was asked to do.

in the scheme of the evening i was the "calming" factor in the worship which was themed "pray." i walked up through the middle of the stage after fusebox did a two or three song set. walking up i see the crowd of kids & youth ministers pumping fists "one more song! one more song!" all i could do is look at them and say, "give it up, i know who is in charge & you are not getting one more song." i greeted with a blessing of shalom and started on. eventually people figured out that we were not going to mosh pit, so they sat down or ran back to seats.

luckily i had planned a somewhat energetic introduction to lectio. after that we began with the readings from Matthew 6: 1-9.. stopping before the Lord's Prayer for your super scholars. times of silence, times of reading, light instructions, then a quick share with your neighbor. it's kinda amazing how much sound 7,000 can make in a whisper. &:~)

we closed by finishing the scripture we were reading by saying the Lord's Prayer together. during which i walked out of the lights and off the stage. there was a pretty loud applause, so it was either that we were done or they enjoyed it.

nervous and weirded out, i wandered the backstage after that. many people said it was wonderful/well done/great job.. which was affirming. in some ways, it takes so much to lead others through a contemplative practice. you give it out, but you never own a response or get that instant feedback to measure your connectivity. i did get a great compliment however. i ran into nina reeves behind the stage. i hadn't seen her in few years and just adore her. she's wonderful & respected storyteller. i introduced myself saying "hey, you don't remember me, but..." and before i got far into all that story she starting giving me praise over what i had just done. "not just anyone can do that" she said. standing next to her was ray buckley, another whom i have great respect for. same intro to ray and i received back similar praise. i continued to wander in a haze i cannot explain

we closed our day with compline which has been a wonderful blessing for myself and i believe for our group. even though none of us ever went straight to bed after compline.

posting worship feast room pics on my flickr. youth 2007 stuff experienced by our group at our hfumcyouth flickr site.

the simple way needs help

i have mentioned the simple way before & shane claiborne as well. i am saddened to hear of the 7 alarm fire that has damaged the homes and hub of kensington neighbor hood in philadelphia.

This morning, a 7-alarm fire consumed an abandoned warehouse in our Kensington neighborhood in Philadelphia. The Simple Way Community Center at 3200 Potter Street was destroyed as well as at least eight of our neighbors’ homes. Over 100 people were evacuated from their homes, and 400 families are currently without power. Despite this developing tragedy, we are incredibly thankful to share that all of our community members and every one of our neighbors is safely out of harm’s way.

This fire will forever change the fabric of our community. Eight families are currently homeless, and in many cases have lost their vehicles as well as their homes. One of our neighbors, the Mahaias Family, lost their three cars as well as the equipment one family member uses for her massage therapy business. Teenager Brian Mahaias is devastated not because he has lost his belongings, but because he fears that this fire will force him to move away from this neighborhood that is his family as well as his home.

The Simple Way has lost a community center that was home to our Yes! And… afterschool program, community arts center, and Cottage Printworks t-shirt micro-business as well as to two of our community members. Community members Shane Claiborne and Jesce Walz have lost all of their belongings, Yes! And…’s after school studio and library were ruined, and community member Justin Donner’s Cottage Printworks equipment and t-shirts were destroyed.

a 7 alarm fire is big and tough to handle with the row home neighborhoods in philly. my feelings come from being a firefighter across the river in nj (which had some row homes) but mostly i grew up watching these incidents a number of times over the years and hearing of the people displaced.

this one hits me a little harder as i have a passion for the mission of the simple way. i appreciate what the people of the simple way stand for. i will be helping support the simple way, i'd encourage everyone to check out the simple way, you will have a hard time not finding a reason to feel for their situation and

We have established an emergency relief fund, not just for the simple way, but for those in the neighborhood who lost their homes. You can contribute by either sending checks to the simple way at PO Box 14751 Philadelphia, PA 19134...

contemplative prayer station pentecost

so i wondered.. what would one do with trying to provide some sacred space and contemplative nature to a raucous time of the church? well, i don't know.. but this is what we came up with.

opening.. we moved our youth to a single space, kinda small (for our size) and i said something of "in acts 2 we find the disciples and paul gathered wondering what to do with the church that Christ commissioned them to take care of. what happened after that is pretty remarkable."

move to video... I put together this video with black screen and stephen iverson's "surely God." then as the song closed we had some emerging text of Peter's speech to the people. i had coached the group that we would recite the text.. some of it moved kinda fast, too fast to read, so we laughed that one off. then following was the pentecost video from the work of the people. for some reason the audio wasn't jiving, so i plugged in jonathon's new song. it went over pretty well.

permission was given to move about the space.

Prayers... nothing major her, just giving the participants the opportunity in intercessory prayer. the meditation was to pray for someone to have similar blessings. lighting the candle is an obvious vigil to that prayer. found it interesting that one of the youth had moved the candles to spell "hope." this was something they experienced last week at our local relay for life.

your vision your dream... this one was very simple in giving paper and crayon. the one computer had a screensaver of images of pentecost. the projected screen was the opening video on a loop (though in pic one the video isn't running). the meditation was to take to the paper what their vision or dream of the church or kingdom is.

wow!!... this was the main focal piece of the room. mainly cause i sat down two foldable tables with a lamp with a black light bulb (though it never got dark enough in the room for the effect). the participation was painting, we picked up some cheaper canvas's and acrylic paints. the meditation was to think back to the movements of God & the Holy Spirit in their lives. then reflect those onto the canvas in an image or word.

extra... i set up a table that i thought i had planned for. then realized i had no need for it. so some cloth, candle, and a few bibles opened to our scripture readings. i am always amazed (not sure why) by the numbers of the youth that take advantage of reading the bible in this kind of setting. maybe it's an engaging the scripture in an open mystical setting.

like a strong storm... i brought out my "holy spirit" fan and picked up a box fan. we had some dry erase markers and some different translations, the message and the voice. the participation was to sit in front of the fan and feel the wind while reading over the scriptures. the meditation was to remember the movements around them. then reflect on that by writing on the fan that particular experience. then, if they wanted, they can turn on the fan to remember that movement.

fun with pentecost... for this one  set up i put the lamp with white/yellow/red covers, few bibles, & red candles. nothing more than that. the participation was to get into the pentecost sheet by cartoon church. there was enough in there to give a cool meditation and experience. plus, it's a little change up from the other things in that there is some guided learning.

closing... i think i reread our scripture of Saint Peter's speech, from the voice. then i bid them all shalom & then ran out the door for ice cream.

maybe you are looking for some prayer stations or a worship service for pentecost.. maybe not.. i'm not even sure if this hit the mark of being contemplative and still faithful to the chaotic experience of pentecost.

my early church father-ness

You’re St. Jerome! You’re a passionate Christian, fiercely devoted to Jesus Christ and his Church. You are willing to labor long hours in the Lord’s vineyard, and you have little patience with those who are less willing or able to work as you do. Your passions often carry you into temptation zones of wrath, lust, and pride. Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

holy week meditations: retreat with friends

today, jonathon & i teamed up with jennie and mike for a little day pilgrimage to abbey of gethsemani. this was the second time i had been there, the first being my weeklong retreat last winter. i wondered how we would "retreat" with a 2.5 hr drive there and be back by 4:30, but it was quite perfect.. the drive brought us youth minister types together more (though we have been good friends for years) talking up church, family, stories, jokes, and gasping for air when passing some cow trucks. the time on the monstery was wonderfully peaceful. j-norm and i shared what we knew of the monastic life with mike and jennie while still being able to carve out our own space. we made it in time for sext prayers. i especially love the way the brothers do the doxology at gethsemani. had lunch with the other retreatants (there were many more than when i visited last). off into the gardens and through some of the trails.

it took a bit of time to relax, but it did happen. i went through a count with my orthodox prayer rope to help, then rested in one of the fields. i took the group on the hike, going out to "the statues" a dedication to an episcopal seminarian who was martyred as part of the civil rights movement. the statues depict the garden of gethsemani, when the disciples fall asleep as Jesus prays. as i stood among the statues, i couldn't help but be over come with thoughts of.. that is today.. this will happen.. & how have i fallen asleep to what Christ has asked of me.

were a little late for none prayers, which means we missed them, as they are only 10-8 minutes. said hi to thomas merton and got locked out of the bookstore/giftshop. traveled home with some rest on the soul and some shared experiences with friends.

:: check out some of the pics ::

holy week meditations: tuesday reading

God wants all to be saved and to come to know the truth. And the truth is this: "God is one. One also is the mediator between God and us, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all." (1 Timothy 2 : 4-6)

desert thought: not just practice but life

abbot lot came to abbot joseph and said: father, according as i am able, i keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as i am able i strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should i do? the elder rose up in repy and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. he said: why not be totally changed into fire?

hmm... is this what jlw was referencing?

the friday five

it's been forever since i participated in a revgalblogpal friday five. so let me see if i can remember.

I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19, NRSV

For this Friday Five, name five practices, activities, people or _____ (feel free to fill in something I may be forgetting) that for you are rivers in the desert.

1. first thing that comes to mind, is family & friends (my community). there is nothing like coming home being whined at by my dogs, kissing wife, talking up whatever conversation from there. i find great inspiration in the conversations with friends over whatever topics. that is probably why i do so many things outside the church, it gives me great excuse to be around people and be inspired. included in here is you the blogosphere, it may be cyber, but you are part of my community.
2. silence. it is kinda a double edge sword, but usually when i can commit myself to silence come away with a sense of peace and understanding that i didn't have before. not to say that the peace and understanding doesn't come with a little pain of being completely honest with myself or realizing something i'd rather not. i move on very well after times of silence.
3. doing. if only i could "do" more. it is when i find my place in doing things God has before me that i come away with a smile on the face and the warm feeling in the heart. these are big and small things, but they generally have little to do with the day to day administrations of my vocation. watching. so i don't completely bash the admin part of my work. when i get that stuff done i get to watch. i get to watch others commit themselves to ministry and lead the life that God created them for. now that is very cool and refreshing.
4. prayers. when life gets tough, i find myself in song, playing songs or singing. something simple, maybe a taize song, possibly a classic hymn. i break off for times of the daily office, usually just to stand in posture and practice prayers or times of silence to keep open. when all is really bad i will sit myself down, or walk aimlessly, and do the Jesus Prayer with one of my prayer ropes.
5. road trip (pilgrimage). i love to get out and discover something, spend time over the road, stop at odd spots. people watch in various parts of the country. whether it be to the great outdoors, a conference, family event... there is always some story to re-live after road trip.

a cool lent

today is ash wednesday. many should know that already. for lent i'm hoping to do three things to hopefully deepen my faith practices.

i will be seeking to follow "a cool lent" by the friends at cool people care. the thought is that i will pay closer attention to the 5 minutes of caring and seek to enact the practices through lent, and hopefully beyond.

for no other reason than, it's been on the shelf for awhile and i want to read it. i'm going to be reading mclaren's "the secret message of Jesus" as my lenten reading. i'm not sure what to expect from this, which, is probably a good thing.

third thing. i'm hoping to establish a practice of regular fasting. it's something i struggle with. partly because my life becomes very undisciplined on a regular basis, thus ruining any rhythm. i'm not quite sure how this practice will manifest itself. probably the wesley fast (thursday evening to friday afternoon, as i know it). we shall see.

wisdom from the desert

Abbot Pastor said: If you have a chest full of clothing, and leave it for a long time, the clothing will rot inside it. It is the same with the thoughts in our heart. If we do not carry them out by physical action, after a long while they will spoil and turn bad.

my Christian themed destination

so marko lifted up a post on some of the top 10 cynical Christian themed destinations that are out there. low and behold the ave maria grotto, or jerusalem in minature, is on the list. not sure what that makes me? i go there for retreat at the monastery not a pilgrimage to the grotto, just like i did last week.

images of a monastic retreat

 

i posted some of my pics from last weeks retreat to Saint Bernard's Abbey monastery in alabama. it turned out even shorter than planned as my workload would not allow me to leave on wednesday when i had planned. so i got up early on thursday and made the pilgrimage down. met up with my buddy paul, did a little hiking, took a nap, got in some reading & set the day to hours of prayers the monks keep.

the next day we did a little bit more of walking it was way cold, so we then opted for reading and taking some pictures.

i am reorganizing my typepad photo albums now to minimize the amount of them. check out my varied monastic retreats here. you can see some other pics on my flickr.

monastic retreat

next wednesday through friday i will taking a shortened retreat to Saint Bernards Abbey in cullman alabama. if there is anyone who wants to join or catch up let me know or contact the Abbey. this is one of my fav spots to retreat to as it is not that busy, easy to just drop in, and the monks will allow for almost full access & participation into the monastic life. this trip is a bit last minute as i am taking a friend who is taking a month long sabbatical and wanted me to go with him to the monastery for his first time.

pilgrimage: a way of seeing

one of my latest readings shares a story of a person in a land that has been negated because people no longer see it. what is there is now an illusion of what was there, but it's actually not there... this is the result of the speeding up of life to get here or there without paying any attention to what is created in between. when reading this i thought of my daily commute which takes me past an industrial plant, across a bridge, through a seldom stopped part of town, an industrial park, and then up a drive through one of this areas major shopping fairs.

as a historic account pilgrimage is spiritual practice of middle ages of the church. one where followers of the way would set off for some destination to find miracles or inspiration. however, the grandest part of being a pilgrim is finding the miracles, trials, and inspirations along the way through the people and places you never thought of going.

i wonder if people stopped trying to make their lives so much about the destination (and how quickly we can get there) and treated life much more like the spiritual practice of pilgrimage marvelous things would happen. we would enrich our lives in seeing the world that is actually around us, not the illusion. this actual world might be hard to see, but it would deepen our spirit for creating a greater world or celebrating something wonderful. it might incline us to slow down (in the car or by manual labor) within this world, taking in the little nuaces of the world, not to mention the smells (which is not always pleasant) and sounds. it would help to take away stress as this world becomes small again, making it manageable to mind and mission.

i know my daily commute pretty well. i look at the cars at the industrial plant, wondering what friends from church are there. i cross the bridge and look for barges or fisherman. the seldom stop i just stare at a run down house or bar. the industrial area i look at the signs and notice the changes of ownership (plus the terminix, a competitor of the family biz). rounding out the turns the shopping fair i notice all the people at the bus stop, the long line at starbucks, and finally the ducks at the park near the church. this is my daily pilgrimage

i recommend seeing this world as a pilgrimage

how did i miss the monastery?

stephen just made my day.

i'm not sure how i missed this, but 'the monastery' has made it stateside. i had followed on jonny's blog the happenings of the bbc show 'the monastery' last year. i wanted to watch the show over the internet, but it wouldn't stream for some reason overseas. so i had to wait... well, the wait is over.

it's a new version, a couple of fellas descended upon Christ in the Desert (one of my future monastery retreat destinations). i'm hoping too that in watching i can catch up with monk andre and lawrence who used to be cool bloggers.

this might be the first time i'm going to really try and figure out my digital video recorder thing, or hopefully indemand (i have a handle on that piece of tech). don't know how i missed this one, but thanks stephen for the info, as stated, you made my day!

shane claiborne in nashville

Talkback Session with Shane Claiborne”
Sunday, October 8 (4-5pm)
Belmont UMC, Parker Hall
Shane claiborne, Soughtafter speaker and prominent Christian activist

All members and Friends are invited to engage in Conversation with Shane about his faith journey thus far, community and recent book, The Irresistible Revolution. Childcare and light Refreshments will be provided. If you need Childcare, please contact Rebecca Griffeth (383-0832 ext.27) by October 4.

Shane’s Bio
A founding partner of The Simple Way Community, Board member of the Christian Community Development Association, Author of The Irresistible Revolution (Feb 2006/Zondervan)

With tears and laughter, Shane unveils the tragic messes we’ve made of our world and the tangible hope that another world is possible. Shane graduated from Eastern University, and did graduate work at Princeton Seminary. His ministry experience is varied, from a 10-week stint working alongside Mother Teresa in Calcutta, to a year spent serving a wealthy mega-congregation at Willow Creek Community Church outside Chicago.

During the recent war in Iraq, Shane spent three weeks in Baghdad with the Iraq Peace Team (a project of Voices in the Wilderness and Christian Peacemaker Teams). Shane was witness to the military bombardment of Baghdad as well as the militarized areas between Baghdad and Amman. As a member of IPT, Shane took daily trips to sites where there had been bombings, visited hospitals and families, and attended worship services during the war.

Shane is a founding partner of The Simple Way, a faith community in inner city Philadelphia that has helped to birth and connect radical faith communities around the world, many of whom have become known as a “new monasticism”, which produced the book Schools for Conversion. These communities seek to follow Jesus, to rediscover the spirit of the early Church, and to incarnate the “Kingdom of God” -- a way of life standing in stark contrast to the world of militarism and materialism. At the Simple Way, their little revolution is lived out locally, as days are spent feeding hungry folks, doing collaborative arts with children, running a community store, hanging out with neighbors, and reclaiming trash-strewn lots by planting gardens. Shane and The Simple Way do much work to expose the fundamental structures that create poverty and to imagine alternatives to them.

Shane serves on the Board of Directors for The Christian Community Development Association, one of the largest national associations of faith-based organizations whose pillars are Redistribution, Relocation, and Reconciliation. Shane writes and travels extensively speaking about peacemaking, social justice, and Jesus. He is featured in the DVD series “Another World Is Possible” and is the author of the book The Irresistible Revolution.

a new way of going thrift shopping

wanted to throw some pub to the folks at the simple way and their venture called a "another world is possible" one of the things they do is selling t-shirts that are recycled from thrift stores to minimize environmental impact as well as not to foster sweatshop labor.

i love their statement on the website. "another world is not only possible, she's on her way. on a quiet day, if i listen carefully, i can hear her breathing."

desert thoughts: finding our ministry

A brother asked one of the elders: What good thing shall I do, and have life thereby? The old man replied: God alone knows what is good. However, I have heard it said that someone inquired of Father Abbot Nisteros the great, the friend of Abbot Anthony, asking: What good work shall I do? and that he replied: Not all works are alike. For Scripture says that Abraham was hospitable and God was with him. Elias loved solitary prayer, and God was with him. And David was humble, and God was with him. Therefore, whatever you see your soul to desire according to God, do that thing. and you shall keep your heart safe.

a cloud of unknowing

In the power of grace, and in the strenght of eager and joyful desire, this is the lightest work of all. Otherwise it is hard, and a wonder if you achieve it.

Work away, then until desire is kindled. When you first began you will find only darkness and, as it were, a cloud of unknowing.

You cannot tell what it is, excepting that you feel in yoru will a naked reaching out to God.

This cloud and this darkness, no matter what you do, is between you and your God. It prevents you from seeing him clearly with you mind and from experiencing the sweetness of his love in your heart.
Prepare yourself to wait in this darkness as long as you may, ever calling after him whom you love.
If ever you shall feel him or see him - as far as is possible here below - it must always be in this cloud and this darkness.

If you will but work on earnestly as I bed you, I believe that in his mercy you will win through.

as we enter into the lent season, let us see through those rough clouds that hold us back from a spiritual life we seek.

the cloud of forgetting

Just as this cloud of unknowing is above you and between you and your God, so too you must put a cloud of forgetting beneath you and between you and all created things.

It may, perhaps, seem to you that you are a long way off from God because of this cloud of knowing between you and him.

But surely, if the truth be told, you are much further from him when you have no cloud forgetting between him and all his creatures.

When I speak of God's creatures I mean not them only, whether bodily or spiritual, but also their state and their works, whether good or evil.

In short, i tell you, everything is to be hidden under the cloud of forgetting.

so whose day is it?

it's valentines day, so get off the computer and go hang out with someone you love.. go!

if you are done with them, then let me ask, whose day today is? some say it's hallmark's day. or the day of Saint Valentine.. but which one, or are they the same person?

don't argue with the women

one of my readings over the week was some stories of Saint Benedict, however, my favorite was over his twin sister Saint Scholastica, who happened to have her memorial day yesterday. the following is a story told by Saint Gregory, which goes to show all us men.. saint or no saint, don't argue with women, God doesn't even

I must tell you how the saintly Benedict once had a wish he was unable to fulfill.

His sister Scholastica, who had been consecrated to God in early childhood, used to visit with him once a year. On these occassions he would go down to meet her in a house belonging to the monastery a short distance from the entrance.

For this particular visit he joined her there with a few of his disciples and they spent the whole day singing God's praises and conversing about the spiritual life. When darkness was setting in, they took their meal together and continued their conversation at the table until it was quite late. Then the holy nun said to him, "Please do not leave me tonight, brother. Let us keep on talking about the joys of heaven till morning."

"what are you saying, sister?" he replied. "You know I cannot stay away from the monastery."

The sky was so clear at the time, there was not a cloud in sight. At her brother's refusal Scholastica folded her hands on the table and rested her head upon them in earnest prayer. When she looked up again, there was a sudden burst of lightning and thunder accompanied by such a downpour that Benedict and his companions were unable to set foot outside the door.

By shedding a flood of tears while she prayed, this holy nun had darkened the cloudless sky with a heavy rain. The storm began as soon as her prayer was over. In fact, the two coincided so closely that the thunder was already resounding as she raised her head from the table. The very instant she ended her prayer the rain poured down.

Realizing that he could not return to the abbey in this terrible storm, Benedict compained bitterly. "God forgive you, sister!" he said. "What have you done?"

Scholastica simply answered, "When I appealed to you, you would not listen to me. So I turned to my God and He heard my prayer. Leave now if you can. Leave me here and go back to your monastery."

This, of course, he could not do. He had no choice now but to stay, in spite of his unwillingness. They spent the entire night together and both of them derived great profit from the holy thoughts they exchanged about the interior life.

another reading would tell you that she wanted to stay and talk because she knew it would be the last time they saw each other that way. which, as Saint Gregory would later tell, three days later Saint B. saw his sisters spirit rise up to heaven as a dove.

abbey journal

the following is my journal of this pilgrimage of silence with the trappists. this 'journal' is a strange mix of stories, narratives written for me, and with some narratives written for you. i couldn't decide who i was writing for. i hope it doesn't confuse if you care to read it at all. if you wish you can view some of my pictures. the photo album is sure to be updated.

shalom, -g

day 1:

this is my first day at the abbey. arrived with no problem, their directions are quite good (although i might contest their mileage numbers). was greeted by brother thadeus and given my room. i was surprised to find that most of the retreat house is in constant silence, instead of just observing silence for a period of time. the silence does pervade the space, you can feel as if God's presence is more apparent. my room is nice, all that one needs & nothing more.

i made my first prayer service. i was bummed to find that i cannot sit in the choir lofts with the monks. that has been something i've gotten used too. i understand it though, this space is much more popular than other one i've frequented. prayers were great, it took me some time to get into the rhythm, not to mention the sign of the cross and genuflecting on que.

dinner was nice. this i was worried about as the trappists are vegetarians. i like my burger. so far so good. they make cheese here as part of their labor, so i enjoyed trying their cheeses.

i met father anton after that, he is the guestmaster and does a little introduction & video to new retreat-ants. i was the only one who was new, so it was just he and i. i enjoyed hearing his viewpoint of the history of the abbey, brother lewis (thomas merton), St. Benedict, & a history of monasteries. much i already knew, but it was interesting to see what points he uplifted as teachable. i loved the video, it was wonderfully peaceful. the teaching woven into the video by father matthew was fun, humble, and with depth.

we closed with compline, which has always been a favorite hour of prayer of mine. i've been incredibly horrible lately of keeping this hour (for some reason i've been a whole lot better keeping mid-day and evening prayer). what was interesting is that the brothers seem to do all of compline in the dark. there were some lights, but in the choir loft it was quite dark and i'd have a hard time understanding how all could see the Psalms & prayerbook. which makes me wonder, have they memorized the compline? they gather in community prayer seven times a day, they go through the whole book of Psalms every two weeks. is it like that of my liturgy where i know from heart the response and flow? i don't know. we closed with a blessing from the abbot. i retreated to my room for reading, a phone call home, and sleep.

day 2:

in my ambition i was up at 3am to join the community for Vigils at 3:15am. i love the opening to Vigils.

"Oh Lord, Open my Lips and My mouth shall proclaim your Praise"

i just find that a wonderful way to start the day, the first words out of the mouth are directed towards God in prayer. at home this energy is generally directed at one of my dogs, "what, you need to go outside?"

i tried to wake and make it to Lauds, or morning prayer, but i had fallen back asleep and the tiredness has shown itself. next prayer time is 12:15. and there are more morning prayers tomorrow.

things i am realizing: 1. i'm way to addicted to the internet, i'm jonesing about not being able to check email, blog, or even surf to read articles that i have no real need for. 2. i see a collision of God speaking on developing a prophetic voice. merton spent his last few years writing on non-violence and peace, so there is a spirit here of that. the books i've brought lean that way as well though they don't speak exactly at that. i'm interested to find what is behind day 2.

yeah, i made it to sext prayers. stopped by the visitor center & gift shop after lunch/dinner. very tempting to buy a bunch of stuff. however, other than some book titles & a dvd of Father Matthew Kelty's homilies i'm not sure i've been touched to purchase a whole lot. good thing, i need to go home with some money.

took a hike to walk off some energy. made it through some muddy trails to get to one of their pilgrim paths. i stopped by a lake with an earthen dam. it reminded me of penuel ridge. i stood for a moment and then started walking. suddenly a beaver, small one, scared the crap out of me as it jumped into the water and swam away from me. i wanted to see the beaver again, so i sat at the edge of the lake hoping beaver would show up again. this one didn't, but soon some more did. these were bigger than the one that scared the crap out of me. they would swim around and then look towards me as if they were checking me out. then they would dive. then a blue heron flew up into the trees from the lakes edge. to this i thought, amazing how much life happens within the depths & surface of a lake even during such a deadening time as winter.

i continued on. walking the path one stumbles on statues, an icon, other artwork, some chairs, rocks and benches all along the path. the signs though continue to point to 'the statues' so i kept going. towards the end of the path there was a little shack for rosary prayers. i thought it was an outhouse. it wasn't but i suppose you can call it a place of release. i continued on, the abbey bell sounded indicating none prayer time. oops missed another prayer time. finding the statues path of the garden of Gethsemani i stopped by and sat and wondered, "what is it i am sleeping on?" "do i need to be doing something?"

after checking out the statues i walked further. i'm not sure i was supposed to do that. there was a trail, but it was well grown over and riddled with sticker bushes. you'd think i'd know better to just turn around, but i felt like there just had to be something at the end of the trail. there just had too. at the end of the trail was the same field that i walked out of onto the trail, but it was another vantage point and nearby was a chair. so i just sat in the chair and listened to the wind rolling over the hills and through the trees. it was cold. across the field i could see through another treeline a lake with shining water. i walked to the lake, St. Edmond's lake. there i stood for awhile watching the sun shine off the lake.

i then turned and walked back through the field, taking an access road that followed the creek bed. i'm not sure i was supposed to do this as i had to navigate across the creek bed (no biggie) and up a hill through woods (also no biggie). not hard, but it wasn't traditional. back into the main garden i strolled in slowly meditating on my time among nature. then the abbey bell scared the crap out of me ringing for the quarter of the hour. i thought my heart was about to go into defib.

took a nap, missed evening prayer and almost missed supper. made compline and have spent the evening reading.. so eventful..

day 3:

uh oh, slept in. i woke for breakfast, but almost missed out on that. i must have been tired as i fell back asleep trying to do some morning reading. woke in time for sext prayers. we were into the pilgrim psalms, which i am more familiar with than the lament psalms, so the prayer time was more enriching & uplifting.

set down after lunch and finished 'prophetic imagination.' quite a bit to contemplate. i am convicted to ask, what voice i am speaking from? as a minister of faith, how can i be all those things the prophets were? or am i to be a prophetic voice at all? it's a bit contrary to the contempative life i've sought & found a place in these last few years.

none prayer time. again, we are in the pilgrim psalms and i am feeling uplifted. i suppose this time is part of my pilgrimage. even though my concept of pilgrimage has a bit to do with travel & my car hasn't left it's parking spot since i arrived. i suppose i am that weary pilgrim that knocked on the door of the abbey, welcomed by one of the brothers, met the porter and have taken refuge here. you know, that's not to hard to imagine now.

took a walk, there are two hills outside the abbey walls with statues. it's cloudy out, not that cold, but not a beautiful day at any level. but i stand on a hill with what could be a statue of Christ as a shepard holding a child. i take some time to chill out then snap some pictures (okay, quite a few pictures). it is now lightly snowing. funny how a snow has turned an otherwise miserable day into something unique.

walked across to the other hill. here lies a tall cross on a bed of rock. the snow is really starting to come down now. there is chair on the hill a number of feet from the cross, but it's at the very top of the hill. i sit and take notice, you can see all around the hillside and behind the walls of the abbey. snow continues to build. i start singing, 'peace be still' as it just wells from my soul. i continue on singing, thank goodness no one is around to hear me, i feel like i sound awful. strange enough, the snow lightens and i feel like this was my release into the trip.

if you've been on retreat a number of times you always go into with some reservations and holding something back. then, then there is a point where you really let go over those reservations and God is allowed to well up inside you. i think this was my point. conversed in a prayer, something to the effect of me being selfish, i was too overly concerned with 'how i looked' than what God was doing in my life.. funny part, i don't think i've looked very good for awhile. so we talked.. the abbey bell rang 3:30, wow, only out here for 15 some minutes. the snow picked up again, this time it was really coming. it was probably the most peaceful snow i've been a part of since i was a child. i thought to myself, at home i would have people emailing about snow policies or the news would be all over it telling where the clouds were going.

i wanted to get up and leave, it was getting cold and snow was building on me, not the ground though. but i remember some words of pennington or merton, to resist the moment to leave and just continue to sit in silence. i'm not well skilled in this, so i struck up a cigar. i had bought a bunch for my brother and sister's new years eve party (he asked me to bring cigars, which we didn't smoke). i took them with me as i used to smoke a pipe during my days at camp, there was something about it, it took care to pack and light & you couldn't run around with a pipe hanging out of your mouth like a cigarette, so in ways, it slowed me down during chaotic times. i have no idea where my old pipe is so i figured, the next best thing. so i sat and smoked a 5 and half dollar cigar on top of a hillside, in a snowstorm, while sitting in silent conversation with God. then i had to try and take a picture of myself, as this just seemed too unreal a moment.

the abbey bell struck 3:45 and i felt that it was time well spent, extinguished my cigar and broke apart the remainder at the base of a spruce tree (i took the wrapper thing with me for your environ conscious). slowly took my time getting back to the guest house and then sat in the dining area drinking some coffee and thawing out over another book.

vespers bell rang and i proceeded to the balcony, there are some more retreats or visitors here now.

i really do enjoy compline, something about it. here they sing this song of Simeon, which i have been blessed with.

Song of Simeon

Lord, save us! save us while we are awake
protect us while we are asleep, that we may keep our watch with Christ
and when we sleep rest in peace.

Lord, now let your servant go in peace; your word has been fulfilled:
My own eyes have seen the salvation
which you have prepared in the sight of every people
A light to reveal you to the nations
and the glory of your people Israel

day 4:

last night i was up later than planned in my lone conversation up until this point. till now i was able to get away with some small one sentence answers, some "good mornings," & a number of nods. tonight i loaned some matches to one of the other retreat-ants. then ended up in a conversation with that particular one and another. both are here as a participating brother to see if this is a future life for them. interesting, one is 19 & the other 48. both have not had what one might call interesting lives, by this they have worked varied jobs, lived as broken people and have come to know Christ somewhere in the mix, nothing that would say to me the monastic vocation is for them. and both do not seem to be too knowledgeable of the ways of a monastery, however, they are here and it was nice to talk to someone. i grew tired and left the conversation after they discussed the life of working in a bakery versus a bread factory. i wish them well on their searches.

getting to bed late meant a rough time getting up in the morning, so i didn't even try for 3:15 vigils. i had hoped to do at least one full day of prayers. maybe some other time. got ready for breakfast and terce prayers.

lunch/dinner had a nice 'talk' going about silence and the desert fathers. the monk who was giving the talk told a story that i've read before, it was nice to hear it told. abba poeman was visited by the high priest of the day to gain a favorable word. abba poeman sat with the priest in silence for some time when a study under the abba said to the man, 'abba, give the priest a good word so that he may go in peace.' to this the abba said, 'if he cannot find favor in my silence then words do no good.' quirky story as the desert fathers and mothers go. another story he told was a saying, 'a man who through his silence has come close to God speaks softly, but walks even softer.'

i am beginning to see the rhythm of my days:

• sleep through vigils
• get up in time for food
• finally attend a prayer time
• take a nap trying to read a book
• wake up in time for more food
• actually get some reading done
• afternoon prayers
• take a long walk
• spend time reflecting on time
• vespers prayer time
• wait for next feeding time
• compline
• wander aimlessly

so goes my day.

compline:
Song of Simeon

Lord, save us! save us while we are awake
protect us while we are asleep, that we may keep our watch with Christ
and when we sleep rest in peace.

Lord, now let your servant go in peace; your word has been fulfilled:
My own eyes have seen the salvation
which you have prepared in the sight of every people
A light to reveal you to the nations
and the glory of your people Israel

day 5:

I woke for lauds prayers. pennington tells that there is something about being up before the rest of the world and being in the silence. i think that is true. for this one it was a funny moment as one of the retreat-ants farted during prayers. i wasn't able to not stop chuckling after that. call it childish, but it brought back all the encounters of the week with people with bowel movements (me included). the purging of a system if you will, the trappists are on a vegetarian diet, which means we are on a vegetarian diet. i've felt the food to be quite good, but it has wreaked havoc on the system.

i was tapped during prayer time as today is memorial to saint scholastica. funny enough, i was reading some st. benedict stories last night before bed and found one of her to be quite fascinating so i wrote it down. just so happened to be the story that i wrote down that they shared this morning. it amazes how things fall into place when they are surrounded by God.

anyhow, slept for a bit and woke for prayers. i have packed up most of my things breakfast starts in 15 minutes, then prayers. i'll take some pictures, purchase some gifts for those at home and be on the road again.

this monastic pilgrimage has come to close, but i again walk with songs in my soul, some new, some old. i hope that i talk a bit softer now and walk even softer.

shalom

away for the week

i am away monday thru friday on retreat at Abbey at Gethsemani. i don't anticipate the opportunity to blog, which, should be a welcome break. however i'll return with some thoughts and pictures when i return.

michael williams, my pastor, will be guest blogging from the theological conversation in yale with miroslav volf. it should be really interesting stuff, so keep checking in. i look forward to his incites when i return.

desert thoughts on the empire

Abbot Pambo, why do the devils prevent me from doing good to my neighbour? the edler said to him. "Don't talk like that. Is God a liar? Why don't you just admit that you do not want to be merciful? Didn't God say long ago: I have given you power to tread upon serpents and scorpions and on all the forces of the enemy? So why do you not stamp down the evil spirit?"

advent chronicles: peace on earth good will toward man

a continuation of my time with thomas merton on the complexities of war, peace, & the Christian. day 1: day 2: day 3: day 4: day 5: day 6: day 7

as i've come into this advent season i've kept pondering this thought of "peace on earth, good will towards man." call it Christmas or Holiday this is a time of year that we spend trying to be nice or at least pleasant towards one another. but as the Christ child comes upon us, he's a king to bring peace to earth. peace that comes through the kingdom of God, as earth as it is in heaven. what does it take for peace on earth in today's day and age? my thoughts will extend here from not just a war time peace, but what is the peace that comes from "good will towards man."

(we must) discern accurately when peace is and is not really threatened, when there is and is not a serious emergency, and how the calculated threats and recriminations of power politicians are really to be interpreted. This gravely affects the whole question of deciding when there really exists and "extreme danger" which makes defensive measures urgent and obligatory.

how truly threatened are we and because of what? i will not discount that there are many ways a country could be attacked, but what provokes the attack? and even if we promote a fear that polarizes everyone to action of defense are we still vulnerable to attack? and who are the people making decisions for the defense?

First of all there is no serious guarantee that a nuclear war will ever be kept "limited." Still less is there any indication that the military strategists have any intention of "limiting" a nuclear war unless it appears in some way expedient to do so.

Secondly it must be asked how a Christian can commit himself in conscience to support a ruthless policy of power the exercise of which remains largely dependent on the decisions of a military and economic elite which has discarded Christian moral principles and operates on a basis of vague pragmatism without any definite or verifiable ideology.

as a super power we must look at our actions objectively and without bias to ask the question of motive. are we really threatened? is our lively hood in jeopardy? are we scared of loosing a prestige of being elite within the world community?

It would however be insufficient to limit Christian obligation, in the present crisis, merely to a course of action that can be somehow reconciled with moral principles. The problem is deeper. What is needed is a social action that will have the power to renew society because it springs from the inner renewal of the Christian and of his Church.

The real problem of our time is basically spiritual. One important aspect of this problem is the fact that in many Christians, the Christian conscience seems to function only as a rudimentary vestigial faculty, robbed of its full vigor and incapable of attaining its real purpose: a life completely transformed by Christ.

if our political leaders, not just nationally but locally as well, were people who were transformed by Christ, would we have that games of politics that we see today? there would certainly be policies of what is right or wrong & stewards of resources, but abuse or use of power would no longer be a part of politics. however, the tendency today seems to jump on a few comfortable ideologies that fit the current political framework. why? why only a few? could it be that if you were a mr. smith transformed by Christ and sought to do those things that you would be under attack by your colleagues. they'd fish some old dirt to try and wipe out credibility or smear ones personal life, regardless of virtue or intention. where are our true disciples of Christ leading us? have we dismissed them because a narrow minded ideology cannot allow us to see them and uplift them?

If we continue to yield to theoretically resistible determinism and the vague "historic forces" without striving to resist and control them, if we let these forces drive us to demonic activism in the realms of politics and technology, we face something more than the material evil of universal destruction. We face moral responsibility for the destruction of civilization or even for global suicide. Much more than that, we are going to find ourselves gradually moving into a situation in which we are practically compelled by the "logic of circumstances" deliberately to choose a course which leads to destruction.

The great danger is then the savage and self-destructive commitment to a policy of nationalism and blind hate, and the refusal of all other policies more constructive and more in accordance with Christian ethical tradition. Let us realize that this is a matter of choice, not of pure blind determinism.

as the proverb goes, we must not forget our history or we are bound to repeat it. the scary part of this is how as our warring technology gets more destructive and productive we become more able to do greater damage. even with smart technology there is nothing full-proof. we can choose a solution that could lead away from war into a place of peace. as mentioned before, this takes great courage and creative thought as it takes breaking away from shackles of worn concepts whose time has come.

The logic of all serious efforts to preserve peace demands that our very endeavors themselves do not help the war effort of the "enemy," and thus precipitate war. There is sometimes a danger that our pacifism may be somewhat short-sighted and immature. It may consequently be more an expression of rebellion against the status quo in our country than a effective opposition to war itself.

i get bothered by claims of pacifism, and it is possible that i believe that pacifism in our current world spectrum cannot be logical. however, the pacifism, that is activism, is much more about doing the same history ideology against the same traditions and reasons of war. neither bring peace, if they did peace on earth would have been achieved years ago. so building weapons for war in order to maintain peace, if that were the case we'd have a very peaceful world with more countries with nuclear weapon capability. so what does it take?

good will towards man?

what are the actions to take within the world that would be considered "good will." some of the more prominent social actions for today would be debt relief, humanitarian aid, medical aid & education for all persons, use of renewable energy, taking care of orphaned children, fair & living wages, etc.

if our hearts are transformed by Christ and not corrupted or convoluted by cultural ideology then we will see that changing the hearts of people in our social actions will make a larger impact than any missile.

so as our Christ is born in a little town this week, let us do the things that give "good will towards mankind" as this and only this will transform hearts & bring "peace on earth."

we are kindred spirits

as a faithful year round flip-flop wearer. through summer heat, to snowy days i've been called crazy and insane. which, i might be. but people take notice for their own varied reasons. i recently read that Saint Teresa of Avila started her reformed convent where they changed from wearing shoes to sandals. thus giving her reform the name "discalced" which means "unshod." now that's a monastic order i'd fit in with.

i knew i liked this girl through her quest to find authentic prayerlife. now it's confirmed, i like her cause she went without shoes... and the prayerlife thing is pretty cool too.

youth minister as abbot

for those who are with me regularly you know that i consider myself to be a monastic within my umc denom. my monasticism stems from my efforts to live faithfully by monastic practices and the Rule of St. Benedict. the rule is something that i have brought into the youth group at hfumc, just they didn't know it till last week.

a few weeks back i met with some of our youth ministers about the behaviors of the youth over the past few weeks. they asked me to do something. i had two weeks to ponder thoughts and i admit to being sorta confused and not wanting to do some of the same junk that i know doesn't work or belittles the capacity of the youth. i retreated to the rule and started reading over the role of the abbot & it there it was.

fast forward to sunday night's youth gathering of two sundays ago and i walked out in front of the youth wearing a black monastic robe. i just stood there as they got their stares and chuckles in. from there i introduced myself as their abbot. i gave a quick history of the monastic community & how the rule has helped over hundreds of years to hold communities faithful to God and rooted in Christian practice. so i said, "i consider myself to be your abbot, i'd like you to know who i am." i began to read from the rule and highlight some aspects of where we as youth ministers (and ministers in general) need to be the abbot of our God given Christian communities.

To be worthy of the task of governing a monastery, the abbot must always remember what his title signifies and act as a superior should. He is believed to hold the place of Christ in the monastery.

as your abbot i am to be as Christlike as i possibly can be for you. my model and relationship with Jesus is critical, my understanding of the mysteries of the Father & Holy Spirit should be such that i can teach, but tell you how you need to believe.. but there's more

Anyone who receives the name of abbot is to lead his/her disciples by a twofold teaching: they must point out to them all that is good and holy more by example than by words, proposing the commandments of the Lord to receptive disciples with words, but demonstrating God's instructions to the stubborn and the dull by a living example.

i seek to not only teach you by words, games, activities, etc. but by living in community with you as Christ would so that you may know how to live in community with each other.

The abbot should avoid all favoritism in the monastery. He is not to love on more than another... Therefore, the abbot is to show equal love to everyone and apply the same discipline to all according to their merits.

i do not have favorites, but it is honest to say that some of you respect the community more than others. some respect me as abbot more than others. and if you were to say that you do respect me you do not show it through your actions within this unique community.

In his teaching, the abbot should always observe the Apostle's recommendation, in which he says: Use argument, appeal, reproof. This means he must vary with circumstances, threatening and coaxing by turns, stern as a taskmaster, devoted and tender as only a father can be. With the undisciplined and restless, he will use firm argument; with the obedient and docile and patient, he will appeal for greater virtue; but as for the negligent and disdainful, we charge him to use reproof and rebuke. He should not gloss over the sings of those who err, but cut them out while he can, as soon as they begin to sprout

you are not cut out, but we need to cut out the sin that is detrimental to our community. as abbot i need to help you be aware of this so that we can continue and grow as a community in Christ.

The abbot must always remember what he is and remember what he is called, aware that more will be expected of a man to whom more has been entrusted.

i have been untrusted with a great gift of this community. i must remember that i am your abbot and need to conduct myself as such. this means that we are going to do some trimming, but first we need to name our rules for living while we are gathering as this community.

from here i broke the group into small groups to come up with 3 rules that we should abide by as a community, which we would then share as a community and form them into rules that we will conduct ourselves by. yes, this might not be a new ym thing doing a list, i've done it in the past myself, however the framework is something that brought out an amazing collaboration by our community. i don't have the list (erin took it to make some professionally done posters/banners) but here are four concepts to the rules that they came up with

• we will remember that we come here to be with God, celebrate and learn about him
• we will treat this space as with the respect and care as if it were the sanctuary
• we will respect and listen to the person who has the floor (speaking)
• we will love each other & know why we love them

the last note of the role of abbot is that as abbot we will have to account for the souls that we are entrusted with as we come before God. that's a bit scary to think of, but as we are faithful to where God is leading and how he wishes for us to lead then we can't go to far from wrong. so on this night and from here on forth we have a rule of life for our community that we will learn, experience, and ad-hear too.

day 7: contemplation with merton

a continuation of my time with thomas merton on the complexities of war, peace, & the Christian. day 1: day 2: day 3: day 4: day 5: day 6

..our forefathers officially recognized and favored the Christian ethic of love. They fought some very bloody and unchristian wars, and in doing so, they also committed great crimes which remain in history as a permanent scandal. However, certain definite limits were recognized. Today a non-Christian world still retains a few vestiges of Christian morality, a few formulas and cliche's, which serve on appropriate occasions to adorn indignant editorials and speeches. But otherwise we witness deliberate campaigns to oppose and eliminate all education in Christian truth and morality. Not only non-Christians but even Christians themselves tend to dismiss the Gospel ethic on non-violence and love as "sentimental." As a matter of face, the mere suggestion that Christ counseled nonviolent resistance to evil is enough to invite scathing ridicule...

It is therefore a serious error to imagine that because the West was once largely Christian, the cause of the Western nations is now to be identified, without further qualification, with the cause of God. We must certainly oppose the tactics by which Communism seeks to attain world power, but a policy of nuclear extermination will do more harm than good to our own cause...

True, Christianity is not only opposed to Communism, but in a very real sense, at war with it. However, this warfare is spiritual and ideological. "Devoid of material weapons," says Pope John, "the Church is the trustee of the highest spiritual power."

This means not only that the Christian fights for peace and justice by prayer and faith, but that Christian social action is the most important weapon of the Church against Communism... Christians should give their wholehearted support to all reasonable plans for aid to underdeveloped countries, but of course we do not have to yield to starry-eyed utopianism in this ideal. Foreign aid must be effectively channeled so that it really benefits the people of nations concerned and is not diverted into the pockets of corrupt political and military cliques or, worse still, misused by enemies of freedom. We must furthermore not be deluded into thinking that economic aid and a higher standard of living are a satisfactory solution to all the problems of the "Third World."

In a word, to place our trust in the power of money is no more Christian than to rely on the bomb. In either case the aim is domination, not reconstructions, and Christian social action must work for a complete renewal of social structures wherever they have ceased to function adequately.

Victory over Communism can be achieved not by threats, still less by bribery, but only by a fully convincing demonstration of the constructive and creative capacities of the society that still appeals in great measure to classical and Christian standards of social justice. But if our society proves itself to be a system of organized and belligerent irresponsibility, then we have no other solution than a recourse to violence. And this will be no solution. It will be an immoral evasion of the problems created by our infidelity to our own Christian heritage.

some call it patriotism. if you have it then you are for the country and all that it does. does our currently use of patriotism now in fact dismiss our first calling of our forefathers & our Christian God of which we are founded as a country? can we find ourselves in a time where we no longer see patriotism as fighting persona but one who upholds the Christian ethic of our country.

and what might that ethic come to in todays world? do we have the courage (as i feel we have the power) to really take on the worlds issues in Christian social justice? this weekend i heard a quote "a hungry man is an angry man" speaking of the drought and poverty in Africa. could it be that we only perpetuate a problem by being less humanitarian than we are capable of being? shane put out a nice post sharing what could have been done with the price tag for the war in Iraq (sorta). now i will not dismiss the war in Iraq as wrong or the sacrifice of many Iraq's, Americans, and international peacemakers (beit military or civilian) in vein. though, with that said, what if we took money like that during a time of peace and shared it among the world to be a light unto this world as a country? we may or may not be in this war on terror. let us pray for creativity in coming to solutions for ours & the worlds needs. we have the resources and status to do something about it, but do we have the courage to look beyond ourselves to make it happen?

care to join me?

i just set a date for a retreat at the Abbey of Gethsemani. i will be taking a weekday retreat starting Feb 6th & ending either thursday or friday. if you'd care to join me just contact the monastery.

all saints day

jonathon encouraged us to highlight a saint today. one that has been influential in my life is Abba Anthony or Saint Anthony (i like abba personally).

Two Greek philosophers ventured out into the Egyptian desert to the mountain where Anthony lived. When they got there, Anthony asked them why they had come to talk to such a foolish man? He had reason to say that -- they saw before them a man who wore a skin, who refused to bathe, who lived on bread and water. They were Greek, the world's most admired civilization, and Anthony was Egyptian, a member of a conquered nation. They were philosophers, educated in languages and rhetoric. Anthony had not even attended school as a boy and he needed an interpreter to speak to them. In their eyes, he would have seemed very foolish.

But the Greek philosophers had heard the stories of Anthony. They had heard how disciples came from all over to learn from him, how his intercession had brought about miraculous healings, how his words comforted the suffering. They assured him that they had come to him because he was a wise man.

Anthony guessed what they wanted. They lived by words and arguments. They wanted to hear his words and his arguments on the truth of Christianity and the value of ascetism. But he refused to play their game. He told them that if they truly thought him wise, "If you think me wise, become what I am, for we ought to imitate the good. Had I gone to you, I should have imitated you, but, since you have come to me, become what I am, for I am a Christian."

you should read more...

a prayer: Saint Anthony, you spoke of the importance of persevering in our faith and our practice. Help us to wake up each day with new zeal for the Christian life and a desire to take the next challenge instead of just sitting still. Amen

day ?: contemplation 'week' with merton

it's becoming clear that i'm not good with a daily endeavor as my week with merton is becoming more like 14 days of merton. day 1: day 2: day 3: day 4: day 5

[after going through some different theologians take]Yet it remains true that there is still all too general an apathy and passivity among the clergy and the faithful. Perhaps it is exact to say that they are afflicted with a kind of moral paralysis. Hypnotized by the mass media, wich tend to be aggressive and bellicose, baffled and intimidated by the general atmosphere of suspicion, bewildered by the silence or the ambiguity of their pastors and religious leaders, and remembering the failure of the peace movements that preceded World War II, people tend to withdraw into a state of passive and fatalistic desperation. There they have been literally run into earth by the shelter salesmen, and have set themselves despondently to digging holes in their back yards against the day when the missles begin to fly.

Pope John XXIII pointed out in his first encyclical, Ad Petri Cathedram, that Christians are obliged to strive "with all means at their disposal" for peace. Yet he warns that peace cannot compromise with error or make concessions to injustice. Passive acquiescence in injustice, submission to brute force, do not lead to genuine peace... Power can never be the keystone of a Christian policy. Yet our work for peace must be energetic, enlightened and fully purposeful... But we will not be able to do this without an interior revolution that abandons the quest for brute power and submits to the wisdom of love and of the Cross...It must however be stated quite clearly and without compromise that the duty of the Christian as a peacemaker is not to be confused with a kind of quietistic inertia that is indifferent to injustice, accepts any kind of disorder, compromises with error and with evil, and gives in to every pressure in order to maintain "peace at any price." The Christian knows well, or should know well, that peace is not possible on such terms. Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice.

i was recently in a conversation where i had to ponder this 'more heroic' action towards peace. what does this look like? i've never seen it in my life, maybe on film or read in books, but not with my own eyes. who are or can be those leaders to emerge from the pack to show us what heroism towards peace looks like? is it within us all? certainly we have examples, quick to mind comes the example of Ghandi. do we need to look back at the heroism of Martin Luther King Jr.?

day 5: contemplation week with merton

It is doubtless confusing to say the "future of Christianity" is now at stake. What is Christianity? Is it the Church? Is it Christian civilization? The mere clarification of terms would, if it were adequate, require an article to itself. Let us briefly note these most important points, and then pass on.

1. The future of the Church, the Body of Christ, is not in the hands of men. It is not subject to the vagaries of political history. There is and there can be no ambiguity and no uncertainty about the Church's fulfillment of her appointed task on earth. For the Church is Christ himself, present in the world he has redeemed, present in mystery, in poverty, in ways that are a scandal to human wisdom, in modes that confound the clever, the mighty, the affluent and the ruthless leaders of men. Just as "the world" defeated itself in condemning the Lord of glory, so now also worldly power works fro its own confusion and for the establishment of the kingdom of God even when it attacks the kingdom most savagely and, it would seem, with the greatest chance of final success.

2. But taking "Christianity" in a wider sense, we are confronted with a far different situation. Christianity signifies the whole complex of Judeo-Christian attitudes, of beliefs, of culture, ways of life. It signifies all the basic and vital assumptions which have formed the worldview of the West, and on which Western Civilization has been built. More than that, it can even be taken to include implicitly all that is rich and spiritual in all the religious cultures and worldviews in so far as these riches can be understood to be "naturally Christian." ...

In other words, if "Christianity" is destroyed, life in Christ will become a matter of extraordinary heroism, a venture and an unconditional commitment of which very few will be capable, particularly if it means going against the formidable tyrannic compulsions of mass-society.

3. Whether we like it or not, we have to admit we are already living in a post-Christian world, that is to say a world in which Christian ideals and attitudes are relegated more and more to the minority.

It is frightening to realize that the facade of Christianity which still generally survives has perhaps little or nothing behind it, and that what was once called "Christian society" is more purely and simply a materialistic neopaganism with a Christian veneer.

when it comes to peace, as with other societal issues, we must name our influences and from where they come from to find that clarity in decision making. if it is a political decision make it from the view of politics, but if you are to claim "Christianity" then one must speak from the clarity of faith that comes from the "Body of Christ," the mission of the church, & not the influence of man. with some of our current decisions, what are those things that are done out of fear or survival to maintain what we percieve to be a higher spiritual ethic?

It is doubtful for most Christians whether the real underlying religious issue is clearly visible. On the contrary, at least in America, the average priest and minister seems to react in much the same way as the average agnostic or atheist. The interests of the West, NATO, and the Church are all confused with one another, and even the possibility of defending the West with a nuclear first strike on Russia is sometimes accepted without too much hesitation as "necessary" and a "lesser evil." We assume that Western society and Christendom are still identical and that Communism equals Antichrist. And we are ready to declare without hesitation that "no price is too high" to pay for our religious liberty.

update: jonathon has highlighted this, which i think is relevant. relevant in a jonthon norman/jon stewart way.

day 4: contemplation week with merton

sorry for the break, something came up that i had to attend too.

{having spent quite a bit of time processing origen, machiavelli & his "the prince", Saint Augustine & "just war" theory, and an examination of WWII we find ourselves...}Here we have already one complete cycle. A country begins a defensive "just war." It starts by declaring its firm adherence to the ethical principles held by its Church, and by the majority of its civilian population. The nation accepts unjust suffering heroically. But then the military begins to grow impatient, seeing that its own methods of retaliation are not effective. It is the military that changes the policy. The new, more ruthless policy pays off. The civilian protest is silenced before it begins. Those who might otherwise have objected, come to accpet what they are told: "This will save lives. It is necessary to end the war sooner, and to punish the unjust aggressor."

The standards of justice are still in view - still partially in view. The injustice of the aggressor is very clearly seen. Justice in the use of means has been lost sight of, and what counts most is expediency....

Needless to say, both were now strenuously arguing and convincing themselves, in exactly the same terms, that their war effort was just, that their methods were just, and that it was necessary to do all that they did in order to win the victory; end the war quickly and "save lives."

Note also, on both sides there were sincere Christians, encouraged by the clergy and by the Christian press to accept and support these claims. There were therefore Christians believing that each side was completely just. Christians on both sides "served God" by killing each other... What had become of the meaning of the doctrine of the "just war?"

merton, in coming to understand the way St. Augustine come to fill out "just war" sees that it is generally good in intention & ideal, but all to easily sucks the person into a scenario that could no longer be claimed as justice at any level. in drawing together a parallel into todays world we have the 'just war' in the war on terrorism & 'gihad' the Islamic holy war. both play historic roles in their respective faiths, but it is easy to see that distortion of these can easily come about and be accepted by masses.

as we look over the landscape of the war on terror, will there be an upscaling of destruction done in the name of 'saving lives?' as the media highlights the failures and some successes of the war, thus putting more and more pressure to feel success by the masses, will that in turn bring pressure to the decisionmaking that takes works to keep the 'justice' part of the war on terror. some may say that it is already passed that point. that is to be argued on another forum.

go figure

The Monk You scored 7% Cardinal, 87% Monk, 47% Lady, and 29% Knight!

You live a peaceful, quiet life. Very little danger comes you way and you live a long time. You are wise and modest, but also stagnant. You have little comfort, little food and have taken a vow of silence. But who needs chatter when just sitting in the cloister of your abbey with The Good Book makes you perfectly content.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 1% on Cardinal You scored higher than 99% on Monk You scored higher than 65% on Lady You scored higher than 8% on Knight

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test

day 3: contemplation week with merton

..we must say that whether in warfare or in pacifism the Christian is bound to act according to his Christian conscience. There are very strict limits set upon his exercise of the right to defend himself and his nation by force, and there are also strict limits upon his willing submission to evil and to violence...

Our first obligation is to interpret the situation accurately, and this means resisting the temptation to oversimplify and generalize. The struggle against totalitarianism is directed not only against an external enemy - Communism - but also against our own hidden tendencies towards fascist or collectivist aberrations. The struggle against war is not only directed against the bellicosity of the Communist powers, but against our own violence, fanaticism and greed. Of course, this kind of thinking will not be popular in the tensions of a Cold War. No one is encouraged to be too clear-sighted, because conscience can make cowards, by diluting the strong conviction that our side is fully right and the other side is fully wrong. Yet the Christian responsibility is not to one side or the other in the power struggle: it is to God and truth, and to the whole of mankind...

i remember in the days following September 11th i was one of those people who said that, very tragic, but not entirely surprising that a terrorist act happened on our soil & directed towards us. i am not the biggest scholar of foreign policies, but i don't know if we ever do this well as we are always seeing through the perspective of our own social contexts. it's not just a politics thing. talking with some missionaries in africa, there is a real need to not build brick houses as none of the other homes are made of brick (granted it's a different brick than what we are used to). it creates a separation, but the action is done with good will. i don't know if you can, and i'm not sure we need to, separate oneself from their context in order to see clearly. however, if one can embrace a Christian sight, then one is as capable as possible to see with clarity and vision.

The question arises then whether man is really capable of choosing peace rather than nuclear war, whether the choices are ineluctably made for him by the interplay of social forces.

speaking of the current viewpoints (remember, written in the 60's) in the United States & their moral and immoral implications in decision making.

At one extreme we have the "hard" and "realistic" view. It excludes all other considerations and concentrates on one inescapable fact: the Communist threat to western society. It considers that negotiation with Communism is for all practical purposes futile. It is thoroughly convinced that only the strongest pressure will be of any use in stopping Communism and that the victory over Communism by any available means takes precedence over everything else. Hence this "hard" position is in face favorable to nulcear war and makes no distinction between preemption and retaliation, except perhaps to favor preemption as more likely to succeed...

The simplicity and ruthlessness of this view makes an immediate appeal to a very large proportion of the American middle class. It is simple. It is clear. It promises results. It has the advantage above all of permitting disturbed and frustrated people to discharge their anxieties upon a hated enemy and thereby achieve a sense of meaning and satisfaction in their own lives...

A moderate and halfway position, which can be said to be that of the Kennedy administration and of the theologians, politicians and publicists who rightly enjoy respect for their sanity and depth takes the view that we must accept the tensions, the risks and the pressures of the Cold War as facts from which there is no escape. The struggle with Communism must continue over a long period, but it must be prevented from exploding into a nuclear war. And yet "softness" and "defeatism" must also be avoided. Hence the thing to do is to build up one's military strength, not excluding the capacity for a nuclear strike, but also with emphasis on conventional forces. At the same time, peaceful and economic measures are to be taken and aid is to be given to underdeveloped countries in the hope that they will appreciate the opportunities and freedoms we enjoy and which we wish to share with them, thus making them our friends and persuading them to join us in resisting the blandishments of Communism...

Finally there is a left wing idealistic viewpoint that favors more extreme measures for peace and appeals to some who remember the spiritual intransigence of past Christian ages or of oriental religions. This wing is more or less pacifist, ranging from the "nuclear pacifism" of those who reject the use of all nuclear weapons as directly immoral or proximately leading to unjust destruction, to the total pacifism of those who uncompromisingly reject all war whatever. For practical purposes this whole group may be considered as favoring unilateral disarmament, a policy that is not likely to be adopted by either the United States, or still less by Russian and China. In effect, then, this left wing is simply a minority movement of protest and witness...

i find it amazing the similarities of behavior from 40 years ago. certainly looking over the three groups, history shows that pieces of all groups were able to see some 'victories.' much of those 'victories' has to do with a weaving of historic people and events over time. the question i have to ask, why did we not learn which viewpoints had clear vision to achieve a 'success?' it seems to me a hybrid of creative thought & views could help to navigate better than just floating down the same river route.

day 2: contemplation week with thomas merton

The question is not merely "Where is the nuclear arms race leading us?" or "Can a nuclear war be avoided much longer?" or "Will the Communists take over the West?" or "Will the West win the Cold War?" or "Will the survivors of a nuclear war envy the dead?" From the standpoint of the present volume, such questions are irrelevant. Not that the issues they raise may not be vitally important, but the surmises and conjectures which might be offered as answers to such questions are really not answers to anything. They are beguiling guesses which seek to allay anxiety and which may well threaten to misdirect our best efforts if not to justify actions of which we out to be ashamed.

The more important question is not "what is going to happen to us?" but "what are we going to do?" or more cogently, "What are our real intentions?"

substituting, the obvious historic markers present in this thought to our current situation, changing 'communism' to 'terrorism', 'cold war' or 'nuclear war' to the 'war on terror.' it is amazing to me how i feel that much of the answers given to our current interactions with the war are more of a alignment with anxiety and fear that help to perpetuate an us vs. them and they hit first childish fight. unfortunately, this helps no one to understand, as merton put it, the "answers to anything."

having my brother in iraq, and having some knowledge (beyond the mainstream otherwise agenda'd media), with the dynamics of a tyrannical and fear based government & a radical group of Islam, i've come to an understanding that our participation in this war, may not be, but it should be, something of much deeper depth than 'weapons of mass destruction.'

wmd's do not do justice to the need to protect ourselves. honestly, even when pitched by colin powell in front of the united nations, it never seemed like a big deal of "what is going to happen to us?" but yet, since the weapons have not surfaced to the sheer numbers that frightens people, people have now turned coat and said "why are we there?"

if we started asking questions like "what are our real intentions?" & "what are we going to do?" then our response would be, something of the affect of to be, that we are a Christian state that does support humanitarianism and seeks to enable the world's population. then, if it is our true intention to be this way, our answer to "what are we going to do?" should reflect, not just a war on terror (i won't be shortsighted to say that we cannot completely dismiss a need for arming, at least not right now) but some also major efforts that are constant which help to take away the symptoms that promote human suffering.

after erin read & we discussed, between two worlds, a woman's account (www.womenforwomen.org) of a life in the shadow of saddam (she gives this a must read tag). there was quite a need to address the fear and horror that went with the past regime. shawn, has mentioned in conversation that this level of fear is very prevalent still & is something that has been present for generations, & it might just take some generations to rid themselves of it. i'm encouraged to know that his time there has not just times of being a soldier for humankind. unfortunately, we might have been looking out for number one, or too confused to act responsibly decades ago when the prior regime was taking power or began to corrupt it's power.

beyond our current war on terror. what happens to ideals of dispelling poverty? if we are to be our brothers keeper, then i should hope "what are we going to do?" becomes a response to pushing for the medical and nourishment needs of those in third world countries, educating our child population, making sure we have adequate health care, etc. (i could go on and on and replicate many different agenda items). my inclination is to say that, we have the resources, abilities, and creativity to really do the things that quell a those things that promote fear, anger, hostility, mistrust, etc. we've just possibly been asking the wrong questions?

teresa of avila on community

It is a great advantage for us to be able to consult someone who knows us, so that we may learn to know ourselves.

Teresa of Avila

contemplation week with thomas merton

i am spending this week with my favorite contemplative, thomas merton. with some of what dean & don have shared lately i was draw to a writing of merton's that has only just now been published. "peace in the post-christian era" was written as a response to the nuclear war build-up & the cold war in the early 60's. this series of articles was not published in mass, because the head abbot of the trappist monks at that time felt it was taking away from the work of the monk. monks are not to meddle with politics as that is something 'of this world' and not part of a holy vocation. still, merton felt an intense need to have the book circulated so it was done in a more grassroots publication. the parallels between his writing of the buildup of war in the 60's and today is eerily similar. it's funny how history repeats itself. so i am inviting you to spend some time with my favorite contemplative as we struggle with peace, in a post-christian era.

[speaking of war]..how can we do this at at time when moral values have been to a great extent discarded as meaningless and when Christians themselves ignore or evade the compelling exigencies of Christian ethics in this matter? Unless it is possible to consider these urgent problems in a climate of tolerance, objectivity, restraint and respect for human rights, we will never come near solving them. And this climate of tolerance and justice will be frankly impossible where the atmosphere of Christian humanism and charity is lacking.

to begin with, it seems to me that first and foremost, we have so much wrong in our society that we cannot come to a clear understanding of why we have a level of fear that perpetuates our very souls. our understanding of neighbor and love are so convoluted that when we talk of peace and justice, humanitarianism, we, in most cases, have no idea what that really means. peace and justice is more about peace and justice for ourselves, humanitarianism is something that we do to make ourselves feel better, not because we are a Christian or a Christian state.