Hit the Back Button to Move Fwd by Gavin Richardson

youth 2007 : thoughts & reflections on a prayer room

in no particular order are some of my thoughts, observations, resources and words of wisdom.

• working a large prayer room takes a lot of effort and planning. not all spaces need to be this elaborate and grand in scale. i have loaded pictures and write ups of some of the meditation and worship spaces.
• "the cave" prayer station is the hardest place to be. as i have observed this space "the cave" which is just an icon, candle and dark room has had the fewest lasting visitors. youth and leaders alike have entered the space, but they always stay just a short period of time. it is my opinion that because there is little (if any) stimulation that it really is hard to be with just yourself. the longest person in the room was jonathon, two hours, only because he fell asleep.
• i am curious to imagine what youth might take some of this artistic experience and shape this into a passion or a confidence that they can do something they hadn't felt they could before. i know one of our girls who painted a really nice picture has started pricing easels and paints to continue what might be a new passion.
• the labyrinths came from "the labyrinth company" out of maryland. we purchased the reims labyrinth for the event and rented the st.pauls chartres model. in doing some simple research, the youth always identified the octagonal shaped labyrinths as being more interesting. the reims seemed perfect as it gave stops along the way. the rental for the labyrinth is very reasonable, i'd suggest it if you are wishing to introduce or use a labyrinth practice in your ministry.
• may people asked about the music we used. other than the taize' worship cd we used occassionally the main cds we used were from the "relaxation" cd collection at walmart. the ones we used primarily was a native american sounds and an african sounds cd.
• the screens we used for spacing were inspired by a stage set used by the gorillaz. it was a simple concept, clean, easy to construct, and could be used for peaceful settings. obviously we didn't have the lighting or fabric they used, but found that using a colored fabric (cotton or poly) with a clear halogen (higher lumens) shows really well. the white or cream fabric we used with a colored lamp didn't show as well, but it did work. the concept with using the white fabric and colored lights was that we could switch up colors.. something we never even entertained once the space was set up.
• coroplast is my new favorite material. the columns and accordian screens we put together were made of coroplast and plastic sheet of material (depth and structure similar to cardboard) that is used for signs. the 4x8 sheets were about 7-9 bucks each (colored ones a bit more than the white) which was an excellent value. the material is tough enough to be used multiple times for various projects. not something you can say for many materials.
• the "global impact" video we made used images from chris jordan. chris's stuff is amazing. other images we used came from istockphoto. istockphoto is a site one needs to bookmark for images and videos for various projects for worship or for church promotions. the images are cheap for stock photography. it is one of my primary resources when i need content items i don't have time to make myself.
• "the story" is a great idea for youth and adults. all know the scrabble board concept and people love to come back and see how it has grown or just walk around and read the words of others. i can't remember the exact community i was inspired to do this one with, but i have done it for years. i know i saw a picture of something similar at small fire. small fire is a website that host archive pictures of alternative worship experiences at various communities in the uk.

the videos we used for "specto divina" something jonathon has come up with, though i am sorting through a book called visio divina (not quite the same thing, but i like the idea of using imagery in a similar fashion to lectio) came from a collection called "the work of the people." i like the videos because they try to be lectionary based, so there are videos that are usable for the Christian calendar. the particular videos we used were as follows, what we did was put in some black screen and some text to guide the meditations.

• psalm 107
• psalm 34
• the last will be first
• healing of the blind man
• land of the living
• know by love
• jew nor greek

some of the paper stuff we put together.

• Download morning_thur.pdf
• Download midday_thur.pdf
• Download compline_wed.pdf
• Download compline_friday.pdf
• Download evening_prayer_friday.pdf
• Download evening_prayer.pdf
• Download midday_friday.pdf
• Download midday_saturday.pdf
• Download compline_saturday.pdf

i might add to this, but for now i figure this is enough thinking

youth 2007 : day three & four

the third and fourth day of youth2007 was a bit of elation and frustration on the worship feast side. we had a bit more of an expectations from the youth, but again the numbers of participants grew and grew. at one point our art area was filled with youth creating artwork pieces that they started to tear apart our nice painting and drawing books.

it was one of those moments where we had to give away a control and let it be. for me to do this successfully i had to go and get lunch. it is the tough part of a contemplative ministry where you give up control, you have to be willing to allow your ideas and concept of 'how it should be' and allow God to do with the space.

as i would come and go within the space it we started to hear and see results of our efforts in this endeavor of sacred space. our morning prayers and compine prayers were always well attended. some with almost 100 people. for a morning prayers being at 7:30am at a youth event, that is pretty remarkable if you ask me. the taize' worship services we put together were a real highlight for me and i noticed others staying for long periods of time after we could end a service. hundreds of youth and leaders continued to come into the space, we continued to run out of canvas's no matter how many new ones we would purchase we would keep running out. frustrating, but still very cool. youth and adults alike would find those of us tending to the space and would express how much they appreciated the atmosphere, the calm, the opportunity for expression which was very encouraging.

i did three "splatshops" or workshops on spiritual practices over the week. day two we taught and practiced lectio divina, day three we worked through the awareness examen, day four we taught the Jesus prayer. it is an interesting experience to talk to a group that may not be listening at all. good thing i spent all that time as a state of tennessee trainer.

our general sessions were way fun. some high energy and over stimulation for me. i retreated backstage a number of times to take pictures and just hangout with the design team folks there. i took one of our youth backstage to help move some of the artwork we brought for on stage. he really enjoyed being backstage, though i told him this meant he had to be on design team in 2011.

our speakers were wonderful people. i couldn't say enough about them. as with every speaking engagement i take little bits with me. to close my personal journaling for now i will leave with what i gleaned from ray buckley.

"we take the things that god has given us and give them away. this is the dance"

i am thinking that this worship feast dream was part of our dance.

i will continue to keep posting worship feast room pics on my flickr. check out youth 2007 stuff experienced by our group at our hfumcyouth flickr site.

youth 2007 : day two #2

it is actually time to do my day three update, but i still didn't get a day two finished. i will direct you to some of our youth blogs. two of our guys sat down to give a mid event update.

for me yesterday was a bit stressful. i was up late working on some things for prayers and the videos for the next day. went to bed at what could be considered a normal time for an event like this. set my alarm clock on my phone. when i woke up the phone was next to me in the bed.. which was not where i left it. i knew then something not so pleasant was up. picked up the phone & saw that it was 7:46. prayers were to start at 7:30. i dressed quickly and ran downstairs with computers in tow so that i could get the videos going and help direct what part of prayers i needed. luckily jenny and jonathon had prayers covered. we had a great crowd, but i wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the moment. i buzzed around with these videos and let it all just set me wrong.

for the duration of the morning i was off balance in some measure.

this was the first full day of youth2007 so we were intrigued to see how things went over. simply put, it went over amazingly well (even with my agitation). we probably saw over 500 youth and leaders over the course of the day. something we were not expecting. most everything was fine, if you count; running out of canvass, freight train like groups going through the labyrinth, and having difficulties with printers. through it all, we count our blessings, people used the space to the extreme and we couldn't have been happier.

as i mentioned in pre-day two coverage, i was asked to lead a lectio divina reading from the main stage in the evening session. i was certainly nervous about the whole deal. how does one lead a contemplative practice with 7,000?.. let alone, 7,000 teenagers. the cool part of it all was that the prep involved in being on the stage allowed me some personal space. up to that point things were decided on by me. so i had to say bye to everyone early in the afternoon and go for a sound check. afterwords i just hung out with some of the speakers, superchick, the stage crew, and some design team friends. it was a good few hours to focus on what i was asked to do.

in the scheme of the evening i was the "calming" factor in the worship which was themed "pray." i walked up through the middle of the stage after fusebox did a two or three song set. walking up i see the crowd of kids & youth ministers pumping fists "one more song! one more song!" all i could do is look at them and say, "give it up, i know who is in charge & you are not getting one more song." i greeted with a blessing of shalom and started on. eventually people figured out that we were not going to mosh pit, so they sat down or ran back to seats.

luckily i had planned a somewhat energetic introduction to lectio. after that we began with the readings from Matthew 6: 1-9.. stopping before the Lord's Prayer for your super scholars. times of silence, times of reading, light instructions, then a quick share with your neighbor. it's kinda amazing how much sound 7,000 can make in a whisper. &:~)

we closed by finishing the scripture we were reading by saying the Lord's Prayer together. during which i walked out of the lights and off the stage. there was a pretty loud applause, so it was either that we were done or they enjoyed it.

nervous and weirded out, i wandered the backstage after that. many people said it was wonderful/well done/great job.. which was affirming. in some ways, it takes so much to lead others through a contemplative practice. you give it out, but you never own a response or get that instant feedback to measure your connectivity. i did get a great compliment however. i ran into nina reeves behind the stage. i hadn't seen her in few years and just adore her. she's wonderful & respected storyteller. i introduced myself saying "hey, you don't remember me, but..." and before i got far into all that story she starting giving me praise over what i had just done. "not just anyone can do that" she said. standing next to her was ray buckley, another whom i have great respect for. same intro to ray and i received back similar praise. i continued to wander in a haze i cannot explain

we closed our day with compline which has been a wonderful blessing for myself and i believe for our group. even though none of us ever went straight to bed after compline.

posting worship feast room pics on my flickr. youth 2007 stuff experienced by our group at our hfumcyouth flickr site.

youth 2007 : day one

we completed day one of youth 2007 this evening. it started out early for our crew. we had morning prayers at 7:30am, which some one didn't make it for. the youth went at it, putting the finishing touches on the worship feast room. we completed our tasks around noon time, closed our working period and officially/unofficially opened with midday prayers.

many of the youth ran off for some well deserved free time, swimming in the pool & hanging in the sauna. after a bit we re-gathered and headed to the coliseum to check out the expo center and some of the other destination spots. most of us detoured and volunteered to be a part of the opening of this evenings worship service. this got us floor seats.

back to the expo and destinations. people have now gotten some swag and goodies. so it was off to dinner, nothing special. food court at the mall, but it was quick, we had to get back for worship.

worship started off with a native american group doing a dance, i assume it was a blessing or dance that went with our practice for the night "seek." fusebox was our house praise band, they did a good job with some of the regular songs people know. their own stuff, which i don't guess many were familiar with didn't go over that great, though their energy is good for this type of event. that katinas rocked the house. the two memorable moments from this were some of the guys doing some nutty looking dances in between some of the seating sections. second moment was when todd, conner, and william started a trend by getting on the shoulders of the older guys. fun stuff. everyone enjoyed it and chatted on about it all the way up to compline.

we closed our day with compline. i noticed a new person had come to the worship feast space. upon further inspection i was none other than miss natalie. she'd come to see me. that was cool and sorta weird. we acknowledged that it was weird that we knew so much of each other, plus the minute she looked up from her book i recognized her, without ever meeting before. ciona also stopped by to have prayers with us.

check out images at our youth2007 set

there will be more later, i've got to go to bed though

contemplative prayer station pentecost

so i wondered.. what would one do with trying to provide some sacred space and contemplative nature to a raucous time of the church? well, i don't know.. but this is what we came up with.

opening.. we moved our youth to a single space, kinda small (for our size) and i said something of "in acts 2 we find the disciples and paul gathered wondering what to do with the church that Christ commissioned them to take care of. what happened after that is pretty remarkable."

move to video... I put together this video with black screen and stephen iverson's "surely God." then as the song closed we had some emerging text of Peter's speech to the people. i had coached the group that we would recite the text.. some of it moved kinda fast, too fast to read, so we laughed that one off. then following was the pentecost video from the work of the people. for some reason the audio wasn't jiving, so i plugged in jonathon's new song. it went over pretty well.

permission was given to move about the space.

Prayers... nothing major her, just giving the participants the opportunity in intercessory prayer. the meditation was to pray for someone to have similar blessings. lighting the candle is an obvious vigil to that prayer. found it interesting that one of the youth had moved the candles to spell "hope." this was something they experienced last week at our local relay for life.

your vision your dream... this one was very simple in giving paper and crayon. the one computer had a screensaver of images of pentecost. the projected screen was the opening video on a loop (though in pic one the video isn't running). the meditation was to take to the paper what their vision or dream of the church or kingdom is.

wow!!... this was the main focal piece of the room. mainly cause i sat down two foldable tables with a lamp with a black light bulb (though it never got dark enough in the room for the effect). the participation was painting, we picked up some cheaper canvas's and acrylic paints. the meditation was to think back to the movements of God & the Holy Spirit in their lives. then reflect those onto the canvas in an image or word.

extra... i set up a table that i thought i had planned for. then realized i had no need for it. so some cloth, candle, and a few bibles opened to our scripture readings. i am always amazed (not sure why) by the numbers of the youth that take advantage of reading the bible in this kind of setting. maybe it's an engaging the scripture in an open mystical setting.

like a strong storm... i brought out my "holy spirit" fan and picked up a box fan. we had some dry erase markers and some different translations, the message and the voice. the participation was to sit in front of the fan and feel the wind while reading over the scriptures. the meditation was to remember the movements around them. then reflect on that by writing on the fan that particular experience. then, if they wanted, they can turn on the fan to remember that movement.

fun with pentecost... for this one  set up i put the lamp with white/yellow/red covers, few bibles, & red candles. nothing more than that. the participation was to get into the pentecost sheet by cartoon church. there was enough in there to give a cool meditation and experience. plus, it's a little change up from the other things in that there is some guided learning.

closing... i think i reread our scripture of Saint Peter's speech, from the voice. then i bid them all shalom & then ran out the door for ice cream.

maybe you are looking for some prayer stations or a worship service for pentecost.. maybe not.. i'm not even sure if this hit the mark of being contemplative and still faithful to the chaotic experience of pentecost.

youth minister prayer stations

last night jonathon and i put together a prayer stations worship for some fellow youth workers. i'll try and give a synopsis of what we did. much of what we did we took inspiration from various worship settings on the smallfire collection.

opening: we started off with a little chat on the worship. kicked in with the breathe episode of nooma videos. then followed with some liturgical prayers & response. jonathon played some brian eno ambient music.

postcards2God: this was pretty simple and straightforward. this group had spent a year together in learning, small groups, mentorship, and fellowship. not to mention the year they spent doing their youth ministry work. we equated that to a "road trip" type spiritual pilgrimage. so we asked them to write God a postcard chronicling their experience. if i had to do this one again i'd probably make some postcards with various pictures.

steps: this wasn't as fabulous as we imagined. in a functional sense. the concept is that we all walk a journey and our steps weave together. the idea is that they step in the pans of dirt, get some good dirt on the shoes and then tread it across the pathway. well, the dirt didn't really stick, even when we watered it down a bit and the paper didn't show too much tread. i'd probably use some fabric next time and some peat-moss or something that sticks more next time. i like the concept though, so i'm sure we'll try it again.

the shredder: this one we took a slant of claiming how in ministry you can get over run with expectations. expectations from every single congregation member, staff, and the greater church. we took a little bit of my paper recycle (something us youth mins get a ton of) mixed in with some actual job descriptions and then topped with an exaggerated job description we embellished of this list. i'll update this post with the document later (on the church server).

how many?: this one was pretty simple. just give the ym's a chance to reflect on how they use their time (something we've done a couple of different ways before). each block represents a unit of time. you stack blocks, in no particular way, according to how many units of time you take up in; time with God, family time, in meetings, planning, etc.

the wall of importance: this one, i don't seem to have a picture of. oh, i know why. i had to go to the bathroom when i was taking pictures so i handed the camera off to jonathon and this is what he did.

the wall was pretty simple, some large paper taped to a folding table that we leaned against the wall. the meditation was about answering questions of what is important to you in your life & what you want to commit to giving more importance too.

updated: for a listing of prayer station ideas within this blog. click here for our prayer stations index page.

thoughts and prayers

  Half Mast 
  Originally uploaded by StrutterAtlanta.

i can't imagine the heartache and sorrow. the images are so similar to others i have tried to comprehend before. different from columbine, or other sites of school or business massacres virginia tech is a place that i have some familiarity with. i would go through town a couple of times a year when i drove from new jersey to alabama for my own college years. i even spent an evening at the wesley foundation on a road trip. i loved the stone buildings and colors on campus. i didn't exactly care for how the football team beat the snot out of my tide in the first music city bowl. sad now, the first memory of virginia tech will not be that beat down or the road trips, but the loss of life and acts of violence that brought death.

i pray for families and friends of the victims, i also pray for the family and friends of the shooter. there is only brokenness with violence such as this

holy week meditations: tuesday reading

God wants all to be saved and to come to know the truth. And the truth is this: "God is one. One also is the mediator between God and us, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all." (1 Timothy 2 : 4-6)

the friday five

it's been forever since i participated in a revgalblogpal friday five. so let me see if i can remember.

I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19, NRSV

For this Friday Five, name five practices, activities, people or _____ (feel free to fill in something I may be forgetting) that for you are rivers in the desert.

1. first thing that comes to mind, is family & friends (my community). there is nothing like coming home being whined at by my dogs, kissing wife, talking up whatever conversation from there. i find great inspiration in the conversations with friends over whatever topics. that is probably why i do so many things outside the church, it gives me great excuse to be around people and be inspired. included in here is you the blogosphere, it may be cyber, but you are part of my community.
2. silence. it is kinda a double edge sword, but usually when i can commit myself to silence come away with a sense of peace and understanding that i didn't have before. not to say that the peace and understanding doesn't come with a little pain of being completely honest with myself or realizing something i'd rather not. i move on very well after times of silence.
3. doing. if only i could "do" more. it is when i find my place in doing things God has before me that i come away with a smile on the face and the warm feeling in the heart. these are big and small things, but they generally have little to do with the day to day administrations of my vocation. watching. so i don't completely bash the admin part of my work. when i get that stuff done i get to watch. i get to watch others commit themselves to ministry and lead the life that God created them for. now that is very cool and refreshing.
4. prayers. when life gets tough, i find myself in song, playing songs or singing. something simple, maybe a taize song, possibly a classic hymn. i break off for times of the daily office, usually just to stand in posture and practice prayers or times of silence to keep open. when all is really bad i will sit myself down, or walk aimlessly, and do the Jesus Prayer with one of my prayer ropes.
5. road trip (pilgrimage). i love to get out and discover something, spend time over the road, stop at odd spots. people watch in various parts of the country. whether it be to the great outdoors, a conference, family event... there is always some story to re-live after road trip.

government helping with quiet time

Britain's Home Office decided recently, in the course of remodeling at the Brixton prison in London, that, because of Muslim inmates, all the toilets should be re-positioned so that users would be respectfully facing perpendicular to Mecca as they answered nature's calls. [The Sun (London), 1-30-07]

it is nice to know that the government is helping out those of us who spend more time on the john than normal. i'd had to be caught breaking my religious code for bodily function reasons. i suppose this could help, but what do we do for portables? from news of the weird

morning prayer

as i've chronicled before. i sometimes wake up singing a song. this morning seemed especially random as i haven't sung this song in quite a while.

O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!

My gracious Master and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name.

admittedly, i couldn't make it through the whole hymn as charles wesley would have required. i think i sang a praise song rendition that i have done with the old youth praise team. regardless, a good morning prayer

prayer request

wondering if you all could keep my sister-in-law (courtney) and her father (bill). he's been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and will go into surgery next week. you might remember that my sister-in-law lost her mother just four weeks ago, so this is a huge shock at such an already painful time.

prayerful blogging

stumbled upon this blog via the methoblog. i really liked this perspective on prayerful blogging. with this thoughr, i had to ask myself a question (i have asked numerous times). what am i learning from myself with this, or am i just filling space?

I find that to prayerfully blog or journal is to learn something about myself in the process. I think I am putting my thoughts out there, where? But if I am involved in the Divine Conversation while I am writing discovery happens. Sometimes the discovery is not so good. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror it isn't pretty either, but the One who is engaging me in this dialogue is so gentle that the soul surgery is seamless and the restoration amazing.

early morning reflection

so i have spent almost 28 hours straight at church. i'm a little delirious, but i am managing to get some things done before going home. one thing that i did was send out one of our weekly emails. i particularly liked the reflection moment i got into (and the grammar wasn't bad either considering). the reflection stems from our participation with "Room in the Inn" a local hospitality program for nashville's homeless. i started by thanking folks for their contributions and then it went like this.

... Things went smoothly and the fellas seemed to be very appreciative of all that we were able to help them out with. Do keep them and the approximate 2000 other homeless people in your prayers during this cooold coold season.

To help keep the need in perspective. One of the fellas told me last night that Room in the Inn only has available 120 beds on Sunday Nights, the Nashville Rescue Mission has only 678 beds. If you do the math, approximately 1202 people had to find alternatives last night. It was the coldest night of the year so far and might stay that way. It is any wonder that 49 homeless people died last year, either due to violent crime or succumbing to the weather. There are many things that lead to homelessness and I won't try to trivialize them with this email, but let us keep these folks close to us in prayer and support however we can find our ways.

On my personal note, I have found myself grip a time or two about when Room in the Inn falls. We have traditionally done it on Super Bowl Sundays. When I was at another church we hosted on Friday nights (a popular night for a 25 year old with no girlfriend and a nagging mother). I find comfort though that in this small act of sacrifice we are living out the gospel. Just read Luke 14: 12-14. As much as I'd like to go and hang with some friends and watch the game on some big screen tv without a care in the world, I (we) become more Christ like and "move on to perfection" by living out the gospel in this manner. I hope I (we) never loose site of that.

thanks for letting me share that

for my buddy john

feeling really sad for my buddy john. one of his beloved pets, whom i actually iconalized a few months back with this little graphic, passed away. i, like many, have had a pet or two pass away in my life. the two kiddo's i have now though, coe especially, have been with me & erin so long it's hard to imagine life without them. loosing either of them, which i think of every so often, scares me so. i feel for my friend as he's realizing some of that anguish now.

O Lord our God, we come before You this day in sadness. Inlehain, who brought us so much joy in life, has now died. Inlehain's happy times in our blogging family’s embrace have come to an end. We miss Inlehain already. Amen

the way of pilgrimage rocks

spent much of today working with the folks at the upperroom and wonder voyage on "the way of pilgrimage" training sessions & a nashville pilgrimage site. i am really excited about the resource. i think it's going to be something wonderful for the spiritual formation of the youth and young adults of our church (possibly the adults).  after we were done with our planning sessions for the training, which now looks more and more like a kickin spiritual retreat, ciona and i took the wonder voyage folks around town to scout some various sacred spaces of nashville. a good time had by all. after running all kinds of errands to get ready for this weekends retreat i come home to find some of the endorsements that have been rolling in for the curriculum. many i know, some i don't, i'm excited others are seeing the heart of this resource. it certainly solidifies that this really was something God actively played a part in.

Endorsements for The Way of Pilgrimage

The Way of Pilgrimage is ground-breaking in the way it honors a young person's heart, mind, soul and body.  The curriculum goes beyond cognitive teaching of the Christian faith by offering young people a variety of ways to open their hearts to God's love.

Mark Yaconelli,
Author, Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Presence of Jesus   

While many youth resources try to "wow" kids into belief, The Way of Pilgrimage takes kids on journey and forms them as disciples. This is a resource that understands that youth are much more ready to "go deep" in their faith than we sometimes think. I look forward to adding this to the resources we use with our youth here.

Rev. Jay Voorhees,
Sr. Pastor, Antioch United Methodist Church
Antioch, TN

The Way of Pilgrimage is a wonderful complement to any parish or congregation’s youth ministry. The program includes 150 daily individual reflection activities along with thirty weekly small group sessions that provide an effective opportunity for young people to deepen their faith and their spiritual practices. This combination of personal reflection and peer sessions greatly enhances this program. Further, the individual reflections are practical, scripture-based and engaging, and the leader’s guide is very complete, making it easy to facilitate the group sessions. This is a valuable resource for those serious about the spiritual journey.

Bob McCarty. D.Min.
Executive Director
National Federation for Catholic Youth Ministry

The Way of Pilgrimage is like a new best friend! You can walk right into its welcoming presence and begin at once to find fresh truths, sprouting up from ancient sources. It will become a trusted guide for those who accompany youth and young adults on their paths of meaning-making.

It promises especially satisfying moments for leaders who wish to engage others in the rhythmic paces of spiritual formation. The weekly gatherings show us how to move from deeply ingrained habits of content-based Bible study into soul-tending practices of contemplation and community that open us to transformation.

The Rev. Dr. Dori Baker
Author, Doing Girlfriend Theology: God-Talk with Young Women
United Methodist pastor, and professor of youth ministry and Christian education.

As an organization completely dedicated to the art of pilgrimage we are overjoyed with the Way of Pilgrimage resources. The Way of Pilgrimage is a comprehensive and passionate guide that brings us back to our ancient heritage of pilgrimage through modern eyes and practical application.

Utilize these resources to teach your youth God's unique design of our lives as journeys of exploration and adventure.  There is no better resource available to date that prepares your teens as life long pilgrims.

Shawn Small
Executive Director of Wonder Voyage Pilgrimages

This inspiring resource seeks its participants out wherever they are in their spiritual walks and gentle moves them toward a deeper understanding of their own pilgrimage. Through the building of a Christian community of travelers, The Way of Pilgrimage helps all participants shed light on the most unexamined corners of their souls as they begin to make peace with the strengthening of their faith.  As an educator of secondary students, I greatly appreciate how consistently this text works to provide spiritual development activities for every kind of learner, from still meditation to verbal expression to artistic interpretations.  The accessibility to spiritual formation for both the next generation and the “current” that The Way of Pilgrimage provides is so remarkably comprehensive that no person involved in the pilgrimage will be left unmoved.

Jessica Rosenthal
Educator and Youth Helper
[United Methodist]

Finally, a spiritual resource for youth and young adults with depth and meaning!  Upper Room Books continues its “Companions in Christ” series with an insightful and creative journey for Generation Next.  I love this resource!

Bo Prosser
Coordinator for Congregational Life
Cooperative Baptist Fellowship

The Way of Pilgrimage is a wonderful doorway into the spiritual life. Like the bountiful feast that God sets before us, these volumes are full of wisdom and blessing. Those who accept the challenge to walk with Christ would benefit greatly from this guide. Its exercises are both simple and rich. At every point, the members of the group are encouraged to journey into the heart of God.

Rev. Daniel Wolpert
Pastor, First Presbyterian Church, Crookston
Co-Director, Minnesota Institute of Contemplation and Healing (MICAH)

nashville area journal & my email

today my email has been taken over by the nashville area journal. this is a ministry of my bishop. he is a big advocate for the life journal and the techniques used for spiritual formation within in. there was an effort to make this available online. it went through some growing pains and was left for dead. i sent an email and helped bring it back to life and with mark stephenson and the foundation for evangelizm it's now going online.

me, well, i'm just a go between and a friend of mark and the foundation. so i've been in on some of the development, albeit minor pieces, more of content developing. what i am apparently finding out today is that i am on the admin of the site too as i opened up my email to see the journal registrations just coming in. it's very cool to see people jumping in. i know many of these folks. being a big promoter of spiritual practices i'm excited to see people start to use this. doubt this will help my bishop know who the heck i am after all this, but it's possible he could remember my name or at least that i am in his episcopacy. who cares, it might redeem myself for this.

fyi: for those that use the site, i can't see what you might journal about. i just know you are there, your personal reflections are yours and yours alone.

psalm 40

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.

Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God, turn your backs on the world's "sure thing," ignore what the world worships; The world's a huge stockpile of God-wonders and God-thoughts. Nothing and no one comes close to you! I start talking about you, telling what I know, and quickly run out of words. Neither numbers nor words account for you. Doing something for you, bringing something to you—that's not what you're after. Being religious, acting pious—that's not what you're asking for. You've opened my ears so I can listen.

So I answered, "I'm coming. I read in your letter what you wrote about me, And I'm coming to the party you're throwing for me." That's when God's Word entered my life, became part of my very being.

I've preached you to the whole congregation, I've kept back nothing, God—you know that. I didn't keep the news of your ways a secret, didn't keep it to myself. I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough. I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth For myself alone. I told it all, let the congregation know the whole story.

Now God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together. When troubles ganged up on me, a mob of sins past counting, I was so swamped by guilt I couldn't see my way clear. More guilt in my heart than hair on my head, so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.

Soften up, God, and intervene; hurry and get me some help, So those who are trying to kidnap my soul will be embarrassed and lose face, So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable will be heckled and disgraced, So those who pray for my ruin will be booed and jeered without mercy.

But all who are hunting for you—oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting. And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you've got what it takes—but God, don't put it off.

reading this was rather meaningful for my prayer time today

prayers requested

if you all could, be in prayer for my family, specifically my sister-in-law. her mother passed away on saturday while at home. joanne as a divorced mom really found herself as she helped folks while working at the ronald mcdonald house the past five years.

courtney (sister-in-law) is an only child, so our large family has become a part of her smaller family, so this one hits us all. erin, myself & tiffany (other sister-in-law) will be heading to birmingham tomorrow for service on wednesday. we will be sharing this prayer.

God of us all, we thank you for Christ's grace,
through which we pray to you in this dark hour.
A life we love has been torn from us.
Expectations the years once held have vanished.
The mystery of death has stricken us.
O God, you know the lives we live and the deaths we die-
woven so strangely of purpose and of chance, of reason and of the irrational,
of strength and of frailty, of happiness and of pain.
Into your hands we commend the soul of Joanne.
No mortal life you have made is without eternal meaning.
No earthly fate is beyond your redeeming.
Through your grace that can do far more than we can think or imagine,
fulfill in Joanne your purpose that reaches beyond time and death.
Lead Joanne from strength to strength,
and fit Joanne for love and service in your Kingdom.
Into your hands also we commit our lives.
You alone, God, make us to dwell in safety.
Whom, finally, have we on earth or in heaven but you?
Help us to know the measure of our days, and how frail we are.
Hold us in your keeping. Forgive us our sins.
Save our minds from despair and our hearts from fear.
And guard and guide us with your peace. Amen

epiphany contemplative worship

i am a little worn out now as we had our contemplative twist to our epiphany worship tonight. jonathon and i dreamed up some prayer stations to work into an epiphany worship service that we would be smart and record and take pictures for another installment of worship feast prayer stations. the basis for this service was the scriptures, taking all the elements (visual & sent) incorporated in matthew 2: 1-12 into prayer stations. we had a big crowd tonight, at least it seemed that way, so total silence was far from possible, but most respected the space. as with anything like this, there isn't an immediate response, you give space for people to have an encounter with God and you have no control over it. you just trust. i trust that something happened, i just don't know what it was.

congress on evangelism: bishop dick wills

sat in on an afternoon session with my bishop, bishop dick wills. here are some of my disassociated notes.

• when the earth was cooling and i began to pastor, everything that i was taught to do no longer equipped me.
• in south Africa back in '91 they were so backwards that they still practiced wesleyan class meetings. we asked them to come and teach us in florida, and it changed our church.
• if you are not doing god's will then the suffering is awful, because it's empty
• the life of the church can be similar to a bell shaped curve. because they all wander away from God.
• i think pastors are payed primarily to pay attention and notice, the top point on the decline.
• (prayer) dear god please send us people no one else wants.
• "dick, you've made a huge mistake. never allow the sheep to be dependent upon the shepherd for the feeding." -wayne cordero
• "you have to teach the sheep to be self-feeding."
• S: scripture: god has something that you need. a promise or a correction for that day. write that scripture down
• O: observation - what is the lesson that you learned
• A: application - how does this apply to my life
• P: prayer - prayer to God
• Y: yield - what must i yield to make this happen

• it takes a lot of work to change the dna of a congregation. it takes a lot of redundant work. we gave out bookmarks, with the liturgical color, i preached the message of journaling with each of those.
• 2 things happened once we implemented that. we never lost another family to another church, because they were self-feeding. things disappeared on sunday morning like "excuse me, you are sitting in my spot." "i didn't get anything out of the message." but we started hearing "i've come to praise god and worship god." "can i experience god here?"
• the 80percent who took on the journaling began to take on transformation of the heart.
• "you cannot share what you do not have"
• "people will not do what you teach, they will do what you do."
• "starbucks is like a non-alcoholic bar. everyone is welcome no matter how or who they are. wish churches were more like that."
• "this not a church membership gimmick, it's about the kingdom. not franchises or territories."
• if you don't have something to testify about within 6 months of your life god is not working with you. i'm sorry.
• in the state of tennessee 53% of the population are not in church on sunday.
• if everyone in your neighborhood goes to church then you don't need to bring anyone in. but you need to start sending missionaries out to the neighborhoods that they don't go to church. the churches task is not for ourselves but to give our lives away.
• don't be so out of touch with jesus that you don't give the opportunity.
• (yes booth) a booth that helps to connect people to others who have said yes to Jesus.

in other unrelated news, or related, i have been asked to get up and going the content of the life journal content. i couldn't say anything but "sure" after this.

for thine enemy

as i have been watching the news tonight this moment in scripture comes to mind where king david gets word of his enemy saul's death. he asks for confirmation and how the messenger knows. the story is rather compelling, but what happens afterwards is what i would only hope & pray is how people would encounter this most recent death.

David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.

2 Samuel 1: 11-12

i don't have to like saddam, but i am compelled to say that i love my enemy as myself and i find it hard to jump for joy, or celebrate a political or military win.. i am speechless and pushed to a solemness & time of prayer

monastic retreat

next wednesday through friday i will taking a shortened retreat to Saint Bernards Abbey in cullman alabama. if there is anyone who wants to join or catch up let me know or contact the Abbey. this is one of my fav spots to retreat to as it is not that busy, easy to just drop in, and the monks will allow for almost full access & participation into the monastic life. this trip is a bit last minute as i am taking a friend who is taking a month long sabbatical and wanted me to go with him to the monastery for his first time.

prayer of the week

Blessed Lord, who caused all holy Scriptures to be written for our learning: Grant us so to hear them, read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest them, that we may embrace and ever hold fast the blessed hope of everlasting life, which you have given us in our Savior Jesus Christ; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

review of my own thing

so i found out a few weeks ago that the "worship feast, prayer stations" project that jonathon & i worked on last year finally came out. i figure i'll give a little critique of it from me, probably the greater contributor since i've now actually gotten around to checking it out.

first, let me say, i have a hard time watching or taking great pride in something i've created. generally because i find some flaw in it and i think.. "man, that is just awful." however, for this, i was reassured by my wife & friends that this was turning out quite well. so my review is through my lens as creator critique & promoter at the same time.

the vision for this project was to give people some tools to build some confidence in creating prayer stations for their own community. so when someone told me, isn't that against the spirit of prayer stations to give them something prefab? i agreed, yes there are some set stations, but they are adaptable and have written in adaptations to spark their own creativity.

what is on here specifically

• prayer station ideas with shopping/material list (not all things need shopping for). a written how to set up, pictures of various set ups, and some blurb adaptations. you can do with them what you wish from there.
• videos for the prayer stations as well as some intro and other general videos. these are cool, with imagery and myself narrating them. the intent was to not be all slick, but to be homegrown kinda thing. in the process, there are some spots where i could have done better on the audio, but over all, they are pretty good. other people seem to really like them.
• ambient music, that jonathon & his buddy brandon put together just for this project. due to the size of the video and music files the cd is purely a cdrom, you can't stick it into the cd player and just play the tracks, it takes a bit more savvy to download them (which is indicated by a download button, and then to burn them to an audio cd). that's a bummer, but oh well, you can't have it all.
• there are some images to use for powerpoints or other visuals which is nice too, mostly my photography and photoshop work (of my own photography). there are not as many as i had hoped & submitted, but that is cool.
• also, not all the prayer stations i submitted were put into the project, which again, is cool. this is intended to spark inspiration. we'll have some of the others and more prayer stations in other worship feast prayer station packages. we intended to do it as a series. one to four depending on the need. what this leaves me with is some of the leftover content that i hope to share. plus maybe some not as good videos.

the cost for this is $20 bucks which isn't much at all (a cd an expensive book, a cheap book & cup of coffee a evening for one at the movies). it's even less if you think most cd projects cost around $50-75 dollars and don't give you as much content. they might give you a video, they might give you a series of images, probably don't give you music (the music alone is worth it in my humble opinion). so if you are trying to experiment with worship settings this is a worth while buy.

worship feast prayer stations: viewing party

apparently with our new cdrom project out, this must be our first viewing party. i must say, i was completely nervous about the whole deal. i had to walk away. there is something about a creative process that opens you up more when people have the ability to watch and subsequently critique.

one critique i had when telling someone here about the project was how typical that we (the church) has created a resource on creating something that is should be organic/communal in nature. i agreed, but this wasn't supposed to be the end all be all (although in the notes inside the package it calls jonathon and myself "experts") but a starter for those who want ideas or something to inspire confidence and creativity.

no one can critique this more than i, but from our simple viewing party, it met with some great reviews. still nervous, i hope this isn't worship feast prayer stations only sale either.

morning prayers

switched up my morning prayer time to take advantage of one of my fav parts of lake j. i got brett, one of the young adults and local pastor to our conference to go with me for a morning walk and spent time with the labyrinth on the lawn of the chapel. for me it one of those physical prayer exercises that i take advantage of occassionally. for the most part i receive some revelation of where i am with God in my life, this week was not a huge revelation but an encouragement to keep God with my walk.

i have a long day ahead, for a leadership retreat there is way too much programming happening. leaders need rest more than anything, but there is a model of doing things here at the lake and they roll through it as usual. currently i'm listening to jim winkler who i am interested to hear what he has to say, seeing that he says quite a bit on behalf of our church. he's speaking on Christian leadership, so i doubt there will be anything controversial, but not everything has to be that way to be worth hearing.

be still

be still & aware of God's presence within and all around

in my morning prayer times during these mission trips i'm used to getting up early and going outside to see the mountains, hear the birds, the wind, etc. well.. no mountains, if i tried hard i could hear some birds.. and the wind i suppose was more a creation of the man made environment.

the sights and you can figure out the sounds to an urban prayer time.

prayer request

hi all, wonder if you could do some brothers and sisters a blessing and keep some of our friends in your prayers as their little one, libby, goes through heart surgery. you can follow the progress at libbysurgery.blogspot.com thanks in advance. shalom, -g

confessions of a contemplative

the other week i was able to spend a day in retreat with mark yaconelli on his contemplative youth ministry book tour. while there i came to name for myself a couple of things that i find important examine further.

1. i'm not the contemplative/mystic that i once was and sometimes try to claim to be. a waining prayer life, a sense "to do lists" taking precedence over everything, a present relationship with my God that feels like we are on some hiatus.
2. i'm tired. life has been good, but it's taking it's toll. youth community summer is in high gear with more time away from home coming soon. continued planning of a wedding and all it's details are starting to take form. moving has had it's effect in sucking more energy that wasn't there to begin with. my on going projects outside the church from the episcopate committee to the worship feast cdrom project seems to keep coming back.

3. i need to be seen or a feeling to be noticed. this might have always had some effect, but for some reason i recognised that i really needed to be noticed by my cohorts. it might have been just that day, but there was some strong feeling that i had to be seen by people who know me and love me already. i just needed something more.

i've tried to commit to a new prayer book for the summer. using again the book of prayer from the iona community. it asks for more silence, reflection on scripture readings, and times of intercession which seem to open up more space to listen and be in relationship. still i struggle with evening prayer times which usually was my most favorite time of the day.

trying to sleep more. going to bed earlier and sleeping a bit after a morning walk of the dogs. i don't know if it is possible to find balance in the summer. i've paired down the daily activties from week to week to just have a rhythem of wednesdays and sundays together.

not sure what to do about the noticing. i wonder if there is something that i can't find for myself that is needing reassurance by those who are my cohorts and friends. i think that i am like many, a person who has to have success defined by society in order to feel affirmed in what i do. however, i am conflicted that much of that 'success' is not what i'm called to in what i view as my holy vocation with God. maybe it's that i just need people to affirm or just be with me in my conflictions. however this pans out i'm curious to see.

morning office

every so often i wake up singing a song. i generally have called this my morning office. it's been awhile since i can remember doing this let alone blog on one. this was my morning office for today.

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and Listen, by David Crowder

prayers requested

terry's brother is in his last hours and he's asking for prayer support.

Almighty God, look on Michael your servant, lying in great weakness, and comfort him with the promise of life everlasting, given in the resurrection of Your Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Deliver him, O Sovereign Lord Christ, from all evil, and set him free from every bond; that he may rest with all Your saints in the eternal habitations; where with the Father and the Holy Spirit You live and reign, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

rev lunkim freed

this didn't get on the radar of news. but Dr. Lunkim the international editor of the upper room was kidnapped some two months ago for his continued work in the name of Jesus Christ. all the kidnappers wanted was for him to stop spreading the word. he refused, so they continued to hold onto him. through many prayers and vigils he was release this past saturday.

gospel broadcasting mission and the Christians' hour has posted some email correspondence regarding his release. the upperroom has published it's official press release.

being a friend to many at the upper room and gbod i know that they did hold special times of prayer and cared very deeply for dr. lunkim. i am happy to see his safe release.

lent pilgrimage: prayer for the week

Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan. Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations; and, as youknow the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen

made me smile

a friend sent this too me. it might be staged. it doesn't look photoshopped. who the heck cares, i loved it and it made me smile.

abbey journal

the following is my journal of this pilgrimage of silence with the trappists. this 'journal' is a strange mix of stories, narratives written for me, and with some narratives written for you. i couldn't decide who i was writing for. i hope it doesn't confuse if you care to read it at all. if you wish you can view some of my pictures. the photo album is sure to be updated.

shalom, -g

day 1:

this is my first day at the abbey. arrived with no problem, their directions are quite good (although i might contest their mileage numbers). was greeted by brother thadeus and given my room. i was surprised to find that most of the retreat house is in constant silence, instead of just observing silence for a period of time. the silence does pervade the space, you can feel as if God's presence is more apparent. my room is nice, all that one needs & nothing more.

i made my first prayer service. i was bummed to find that i cannot sit in the choir lofts with the monks. that has been something i've gotten used too. i understand it though, this space is much more popular than other one i've frequented. prayers were great, it took me some time to get into the rhythm, not to mention the sign of the cross and genuflecting on que.

dinner was nice. this i was worried about as the trappists are vegetarians. i like my burger. so far so good. they make cheese here as part of their labor, so i enjoyed trying their cheeses.

i met father anton after that, he is the guestmaster and does a little introduction & video to new retreat-ants. i was the only one who was new, so it was just he and i. i enjoyed hearing his viewpoint of the history of the abbey, brother lewis (thomas merton), St. Benedict, & a history of monasteries. much i already knew, but it was interesting to see what points he uplifted as teachable. i loved the video, it was wonderfully peaceful. the teaching woven into the video by father matthew was fun, humble, and with depth.

we closed with compline, which has always been a favorite hour of prayer of mine. i've been incredibly horrible lately of keeping this hour (for some reason i've been a whole lot better keeping mid-day and evening prayer). what was interesting is that the brothers seem to do all of compline in the dark. there were some lights, but in the choir loft it was quite dark and i'd have a hard time understanding how all could see the Psalms & prayerbook. which makes me wonder, have they memorized the compline? they gather in community prayer seven times a day, they go through the whole book of Psalms every two weeks. is it like that of my liturgy where i know from heart the response and flow? i don't know. we closed with a blessing from the abbot. i retreated to my room for reading, a phone call home, and sleep.

day 2:

in my ambition i was up at 3am to join the community for Vigils at 3:15am. i love the opening to Vigils.

"Oh Lord, Open my Lips and My mouth shall proclaim your Praise"

i just find that a wonderful way to start the day, the first words out of the mouth are directed towards God in prayer. at home this energy is generally directed at one of my dogs, "what, you need to go outside?"

i tried to wake and make it to Lauds, or morning prayer, but i had fallen back asleep and the tiredness has shown itself. next prayer time is 12:15. and there are more morning prayers tomorrow.

things i am realizing: 1. i'm way to addicted to the internet, i'm jonesing about not being able to check email, blog, or even surf to read articles that i have no real need for. 2. i see a collision of God speaking on developing a prophetic voice. merton spent his last few years writing on non-violence and peace, so there is a spirit here of that. the books i've brought lean that way as well though they don't speak exactly at that. i'm interested to find what is behind day 2.

yeah, i made it to sext prayers. stopped by the visitor center & gift shop after lunch/dinner. very tempting to buy a bunch of stuff. however, other than some book titles & a dvd of Father Matthew Kelty's homilies i'm not sure i've been touched to purchase a whole lot. good thing, i need to go home with some money.

took a hike to walk off some energy. made it through some muddy trails to get to one of their pilgrim paths. i stopped by a lake with an earthen dam. it reminded me of penuel ridge. i stood for a moment and then started walking. suddenly a beaver, small one, scared the crap out of me as it jumped into the water and swam away from me. i wanted to see the beaver again, so i sat at the edge of the lake hoping beaver would show up again. this one didn't, but soon some more did. these were bigger than the one that scared the crap out of me. they would swim around and then look towards me as if they were checking me out. then they would dive. then a blue heron flew up into the trees from the lakes edge. to this i thought, amazing how much life happens within the depths & surface of a lake even during such a deadening time as winter.

i continued on. walking the path one stumbles on statues, an icon, other artwork, some chairs, rocks and benches all along the path. the signs though continue to point to 'the statues' so i kept going. towards the end of the path there was a little shack for rosary prayers. i thought it was an outhouse. it wasn't but i suppose you can call it a place of release. i continued on, the abbey bell sounded indicating none prayer time. oops missed another prayer time. finding the statues path of the garden of Gethsemani i stopped by and sat and wondered, "what is it i am sleeping on?" "do i need to be doing something?"

after checking out the statues i walked further. i'm not sure i was supposed to do that. there was a trail, but it was well grown over and riddled with sticker bushes. you'd think i'd know better to just turn around, but i felt like there just had to be something at the end of the trail. there just had too. at the end of the trail was the same field that i walked out of onto the trail, but it was another vantage point and nearby was a chair. so i just sat in the chair and listened to the wind rolling over the hills and through the trees. it was cold. across the field i could see through another treeline a lake with shining water. i walked to the lake, St. Edmond's lake. there i stood for awhile watching the sun shine off the lake.

i then turned and walked back through the field, taking an access road that followed the creek bed. i'm not sure i was supposed to do this as i had to navigate across the creek bed (no biggie) and up a hill through woods (also no biggie). not hard, but it wasn't traditional. back into the main garden i strolled in slowly meditating on my time among nature. then the abbey bell scared the crap out of me ringing for the quarter of the hour. i thought my heart was about to go into defib.

took a nap, missed evening prayer and almost missed supper. made compline and have spent the evening reading.. so eventful..

day 3:

uh oh, slept in. i woke for breakfast, but almost missed out on that. i must have been tired as i fell back asleep trying to do some morning reading. woke in time for sext prayers. we were into the pilgrim psalms, which i am more familiar with than the lament psalms, so the prayer time was more enriching & uplifting.

set down after lunch and finished 'prophetic imagination.' quite a bit to contemplate. i am convicted to ask, what voice i am speaking from? as a minister of faith, how can i be all those things the prophets were? or am i to be a prophetic voice at all? it's a bit contrary to the contempative life i've sought & found a place in these last few years.

none prayer time. again, we are in the pilgrim psalms and i am feeling uplifted. i suppose this time is part of my pilgrimage. even though my concept of pilgrimage has a bit to do with travel & my car hasn't left it's parking spot since i arrived. i suppose i am that weary pilgrim that knocked on the door of the abbey, welcomed by one of the brothers, met the porter and have taken refuge here. you know, that's not to hard to imagine now.

took a walk, there are two hills outside the abbey walls with statues. it's cloudy out, not that cold, but not a beautiful day at any level. but i stand on a hill with what could be a statue of Christ as a shepard holding a child. i take some time to chill out then snap some pictures (okay, quite a few pictures). it is now lightly snowing. funny how a snow has turned an otherwise miserable day into something unique.

walked across to the other hill. here lies a tall cross on a bed of rock. the snow is really starting to come down now. there is chair on the hill a number of feet from the cross, but it's at the very top of the hill. i sit and take notice, you can see all around the hillside and behind the walls of the abbey. snow continues to build. i start singing, 'peace be still' as it just wells from my soul. i continue on singing, thank goodness no one is around to hear me, i feel like i sound awful. strange enough, the snow lightens and i feel like this was my release into the trip.

if you've been on retreat a number of times you always go into with some reservations and holding something back. then, then there is a point where you really let go over those reservations and God is allowed to well up inside you. i think this was my point. conversed in a prayer, something to the effect of me being selfish, i was too overly concerned with 'how i looked' than what God was doing in my life.. funny part, i don't think i've looked very good for awhile. so we talked.. the abbey bell rang 3:30, wow, only out here for 15 some minutes. the snow picked up again, this time it was really coming. it was probably the most peaceful snow i've been a part of since i was a child. i thought to myself, at home i would have people emailing about snow policies or the news would be all over it telling where the clouds were going.

i wanted to get up and leave, it was getting cold and snow was building on me, not the ground though. but i remember some words of pennington or merton, to resist the moment to leave and just continue to sit in silence. i'm not well skilled in this, so i struck up a cigar. i had bought a bunch for my brother and sister's new years eve party (he asked me to bring cigars, which we didn't smoke). i took them with me as i used to smoke a pipe during my days at camp, there was something about it, it took care to pack and light & you couldn't run around with a pipe hanging out of your mouth like a cigarette, so in ways, it slowed me down during chaotic times. i have no idea where my old pipe is so i figured, the next best thing. so i sat and smoked a 5 and half dollar cigar on top of a hillside, in a snowstorm, while sitting in silent conversation with God. then i had to try and take a picture of myself, as this just seemed too unreal a moment.

the abbey bell struck 3:45 and i felt that it was time well spent, extinguished my cigar and broke apart the remainder at the base of a spruce tree (i took the wrapper thing with me for your environ conscious). slowly took my time getting back to the guest house and then sat in the dining area drinking some coffee and thawing out over another book.

vespers bell rang and i proceeded to the balcony, there are some more retreats or visitors here now.

i really do enjoy compline, something about it. here they sing this song of Simeon, which i have been blessed with.

Song of Simeon

Lord, save us! save us while we are awake
protect us while we are asleep, that we may keep our watch with Christ
and when we sleep rest in peace.

Lord, now let your servant go in peace; your word has been fulfilled:
My own eyes have seen the salvation
which you have prepared in the sight of every people
A light to reveal you to the nations
and the glory of your people Israel

day 4:

last night i was up later than planned in my lone conversation up until this point. till now i was able to get away with some small one sentence answers, some "good mornings," & a number of nods. tonight i loaned some matches to one of the other retreat-ants. then ended up in a conversation with that particular one and another. both are here as a participating brother to see if this is a future life for them. interesting, one is 19 & the other 48. both have not had what one might call interesting lives, by this they have worked varied jobs, lived as broken people and have come to know Christ somewhere in the mix, nothing that would say to me the monastic vocation is for them. and both do not seem to be too knowledgeable of the ways of a monastery, however, they are here and it was nice to talk to someone. i grew tired and left the conversation after they discussed the life of working in a bakery versus a bread factory. i wish them well on their searches.

getting to bed late meant a rough time getting up in the morning, so i didn't even try for 3:15 vigils. i had hoped to do at least one full day of prayers. maybe some other time. got ready for breakfast and terce prayers.

lunch/dinner had a nice 'talk' going about silence and the desert fathers. the monk who was giving the talk told a story that i've read before, it was nice to hear it told. abba poeman was visited by the high priest of the day to gain a favorable word. abba poeman sat with the priest in silence for some time when a study under the abba said to the man, 'abba, give the priest a good word so that he may go in peace.' to this the abba said, 'if he cannot find favor in my silence then words do no good.' quirky story as the desert fathers and mothers go. another story he told was a saying, 'a man who through his silence has come close to God speaks softly, but walks even softer.'

i am beginning to see the rhythm of my days:

• sleep through vigils
• get up in time for food
• finally attend a prayer time
• take a nap trying to read a book
• wake up in time for more food
• actually get some reading done
• afternoon prayers
• take a long walk
• spend time reflecting on time
• vespers prayer time
• wait for next feeding time
• compline
• wander aimlessly

so goes my day.

compline:
Song of Simeon

Lord, save us! save us while we are awake
protect us while we are asleep, that we may keep our watch with Christ
and when we sleep rest in peace.

Lord, now let your servant go in peace; your word has been fulfilled:
My own eyes have seen the salvation
which you have prepared in the sight of every people
A light to reveal you to the nations
and the glory of your people Israel

day 5:

I woke for lauds prayers. pennington tells that there is something about being up before the rest of the world and being in the silence. i think that is true. for this one it was a funny moment as one of the retreat-ants farted during prayers. i wasn't able to not stop chuckling after that. call it childish, but it brought back all the encounters of the week with people with bowel movements (me included). the purging of a system if you will, the trappists are on a vegetarian diet, which means we are on a vegetarian diet. i've felt the food to be quite good, but it has wreaked havoc on the system.

i was tapped during prayer time as today is memorial to saint scholastica. funny enough, i was reading some st. benedict stories last night before bed and found one of her to be quite fascinating so i wrote it down. just so happened to be the story that i wrote down that they shared this morning. it amazes how things fall into place when they are surrounded by God.

anyhow, slept for a bit and woke for prayers. i have packed up most of my things breakfast starts in 15 minutes, then prayers. i'll take some pictures, purchase some gifts for those at home and be on the road again.

this monastic pilgrimage has come to close, but i again walk with songs in my soul, some new, some old. i hope that i talk a bit softer now and walk even softer.

shalom

chewing on

There are very few people
who realise what God would make of them
if they abandoned themselves into his hands,
and let themselves be formed by his grace. (St Ignatius)

I ask for the grace to trust myself totally to God's love.

prayer for a brother

i'd appreciate it if you all could lift up terry and his brother in your prayers. his brother has been sick for awhile and things are not as positive as one might hope.

St. Jude, through prayer you praised God for the wonderful works of Jesus. You asked God for the strength to meet the challenges of your apostolate. You put your trust in God's mercy, believing firmly that God loved you and understood your joys and sorrows, your hopes and fears, and your triumphs and failures. You understood that nothing is impossible for God. We ask you to pray for us now before the Most High so that we too might be filled with God's saving power, understand God's will for us and faithfully place ourselves in God's loving hands. Amen.

the PrayerRoom

an idea i've dwelled on for a few weeks now. i started a myspace group to help lift youth and others up through intercessory prayer. if you have a myspace or your youth do, steer them to this group. i hope there are a number of us ministers out there that can help to nurture this too.

thePrayerRoom

prayer for unruly children

this rung a chord with me as i panicked to put together a wednesday night worship service after i spent the morning in my new disciple bible study group.

God our Mother and Father, we come to you as children. Be with us as we learn to see one another with new eyes, hear one another with new hearts, and treat one another in a new way. Amen

UMPH 466 (Corrymeela Community, Ireland, 20th Century)